my way,my style, my life

2012-02-12T01:26:00.000+08:00

Jeremy lin...probably a household name now...what a performance against LA Lakers...i have got nothing more to comment...u make kobe bryant eat his words...such arrogance and defiance...The next rising star after Yao Ming, though not quite there yet, but definitely generating enuff hype..watching the match on computer just makes me feel so lousy....how i wished i was there at madison square garden! i was there outside across the street at the post office admiring it 2 years ago! How time flies! the juxtaposition of these images and zhang xue you's 回头太难 simply stirs up feelings!

perhaps i can now feel for myself the "american dream"?? it was the strangest i heard since then, as i could not relate to it in anyway back then.... isn't that for those immigrants back then who wanted proseprity and success? that was covered during lecture by prof carstensen...there's a second part to that...the dream is nothing but also the pursuit of happiness and freedom...liberty...

it is an indescribable feeling...i never felt this back then, it was only after coming back here....that i felt so strongly....it makes me so happy and depressed at the same time...the american dream, more than just a dream, it holds a lifetime of memories and aspirations...

i went there when i was at the lowest ebb, but with the greatest hopes....it was the reverse when i was back here...as the cliched "if only i could turn time back", but then if that were possible causality collapse, and it is hard to imagine what happens...this is prolly wat keeps ppl going forward...the future is so alluring, as was the past was so intoxicating...the future beckons as the past drives us....

it is just like wat ppl always say, you will only feel it only when it is lost...but at the same time, trying not to let it hold me back, but a driving force forward, hoping that one day, those fond memories would one day be re-lived. That is all i ask for.

2012-02-09T21:35:00.000+08:00

有时候...
天不作美
付出不等于回报
再周详的计划也会出错

2012-01-19T18:45:00.000+08:00

almost a month since i last blogged....time really flies...so busy lately...well yea, chinese lunar new year is in a few days time....oh well...

2011-12-20T00:53:00.000+08:00

人无千日好花无百日红。

2011-12-11T00:37:00.000+08:00

it is so hard...expected to do something that i m not expected to do...

电视剧(钢琴88)主题曲 - 把我交给你(关德辉&郭淑娴)

2011-12-03T00:40:00.000+08:00

脑海中萦绕着这首歌。此刻心里想表达的莫过于此。 =）

王菲 - 执迷不悔 (国语)

2011-11-26T10:03:00.000+08:00

我想这一首歌说出了我的心声。昨天早上带着沉重的心情出门，走着走着，脑海里的画面却都是你。我很努力的说服自己放弃，但还是一败涂地，感觉没有什么比你更重要。哪怕受人的唾骂，指指点点我也心甘情愿。我知道未来的道路坎坷，但只要有你相陪，我相信们能战胜这一切。我把未来看得太近，画面里和你执手问年华。可能到头来会是一场空，结局不尽如人意，但至少这是我自己的决定。我觉得感情方面不能用对与错来抉择，只有爱与不爱。可能我错了，爱情的定义不仅是靠感觉，也要考量现实的因素。但是在这当儿，我要随心所欲，做我喜欢做的。在车上想着，要怎样告诉你我心里的话。但我也不能那么自私，毕竟我不知道你对我的感觉，你也要承受极大的困扰，所以我要顾及到你的感受。当我回过神来的时候，我已错过那车站。直觉立刻告诉我要把握，不要再蹉跎岁月而遗憾。此刻我决定面对自己的感觉，放手一搏，就算是遍体鳞伤也在所不辞。

2011-11-20T16:06:00.000+08:00

Jay chou's new album, 惊叹号。 one word to describe. SUX! nowhere near any of the previous albums...lyrics by fang wen shan is also dismal....fame must have overwhelmed him...

[KTV] 孫燕姿-眼淚成詩

2011-11-17T06:56:00.001+08:00

it's bad...still coughing..haiz...heard this on radio, and realised it was penned by 林夕。beautiful lyrics. sounds a lot like jay chou's style. particularly like the line " 让你再回味，字不醉人人自醉”。

王力宏 - 大城小愛 (KTV)

2011-11-13T10:40:00.000+08:00

困惑，太多。看不清楚是什么。

2011-11-09T21:47:00.000+08:00

前面的路不明朗，小心翼翼，试着收敛，试着不去想，到最后还是躲不过。是时候坦诚面对吧？

2011-11-08T17:43:00.000+08:00

有人说人生像一出戏，我们每天都在扮演着一个角色。对我而言，人生却是一首歌。人生的起落犹如歌中的高低音。个人对同一样的遭遇，也都有不同的方法去面对。就如一首歌，有不同的唱法。不同歌手唱出不同的味道。若是如此，那么每个人应该有一个属于自己的歌吧？

有些人不解到底是歌影响我们的情绪还是情绪促使我们听某一类型的歌？我想这就像是在说人生能影响个人的情感，也能说我们的情感，态度能让我们有面对人生独一无二的方法。我的人生至今如何呢？想想，脑海中傲然掘起一首歌《不能和你分手》。

2011-10-31T02:48:00.000+08:00

打从开始就是你一直都是

认识余分情难述

心里不知要从何说起

顺流逆流流的泪云盖

我在等重来

被拉长的夜音乐太婉转

我努力地想像在音乐没落参透

随着街灯车灯看见那时候

缘分落地生根

那年月唤不回

红尘未经的岁月

依然寂寞憔悴

放手一搏自取一了白了

换来一生又何求
让回忆皎洁

永世无言无悔

或许不该结局成空白

2011-10-21T22:57:00.000+08:00

i guess honey moon period is not coming after all...so much for some time to slack....i had the impression that i was gonna have some time to slack before i report for ICT in 2 weeks time....25 days in camp seems like a good break from the hectic work...but it turns out quite the other way...today during meeting, Mr Goh brought up the planning for the Dec private sale....i thought i was covered, so i was not really concerned about it, as i saw how everyone was looking away hoping that they would not be picked...

Mr Goh started off summarizing the results of the Sept private sale, and then he went: "since michelle has already gone through the cauldron, for the Dec private sale, hong rui will be in charge..." damn, toto oso not so accurate lah....so i replied " but mr goh, i will not be around, i m going for ict...remember? " "how come i don't know you are going away? for how long?" "y u never inform me?" he asked. " Mr goh, u signed my notification letter 2 months ago" "oh really? sorry ah, i forgot wat i sign, but anyway, u haf to finish first before u go, wei shan will assist u..."

haiiizzzzz....i tot can siam, but it seems like i m not gonna get away....it is gonna be a logistics nightmare.....trying to coordinate so many things, not to mention fighting multiple battles....arrggghhhh....wat a bad timing....oh well....just have to bite the bullet...prolly makes my holiday camp more precious....

2011-10-14T23:05:00.000+08:00

the efforts and result would all matter on one day, everything had to go on smoothly. After months of preparation , all the work before was definitely worth it. Yesterday was my big day. the night before, everyone of us stayed back late till midnight to make sure every little detail is looked into. the preparation got into full swing at around 1pm. contractors began to pour in to do their setup, their stocks all came in droves. i was busy briefing my staff about administrative details and what i expected of their behavior on that very day.

i received a call at around 2pm. it was shelley. she was the boss of singapore shawl. she blasted me over the phone. she was very unhappy that the space that was given to her was changed without her notice and it was a smaller space than the original. i called kalene and informed her. she told me to pacify shelley. i tried to, i apologised repeatedly but she insisted on having her way back to the space allocated in front at the entrance...well, it even had to involve the div manager....alas after making such a big ruckus, she settled back to her her given space, claiming that she did not want to make things difficult for us...thank you! such a great actress! u ignored my pleas and efforts to placate, and now in the end, to try to get out of the difficult situation u back off...i was given a dressing down by my boss...so much for boasting that u are an expert in communications...yea yea...u train SIA staff and give talks, your shawls are worn by the president! well stop being a snob! get lost u old biatch... i don't give a damn! at the end of the day, the sales figures speak for themselves!

well in any fact, the situation was not really my fault...this liasing with the suppliers is the responsibility of kalene...well on that fri afternoon, she called me and asked me to help her show shelley around as she was busy with a meeting...well yea...i did....but i was not informed of the changes in the floor layout later! i cant have conveyed the changes to shelley....so it was a communication break down! and my boss gave me a dressing down! a lesson learnt indeed! don't interfere in things that are not your scope!

other than this, everything went on smoothly...the promoters were behaving, there were no cock ups, VIPs were attended to swiftly...i managed the whole floor without any mishaps! hahaha....and yea, totally made my day...my colleagues and staff were praising how smart i look with the jacket on....hahaha....well well....alls well!

2011-10-03T21:29:00.001+08:00

很纳闷，也很沮丧。尽管尽全力，但还是受到诸多批评。双面人，小人，再所难免。A告诉我要小心B，因为B很会“做戏”，见人说人话，见鬼说鬼话。何况B和老板的关系密切，说的话也有说服力。A说B在我背后说了很多，叫我要小心他。A说我很像他以前的作风，老老实实，从不提防别人。其实我也感觉到了。B和我是井水不犯河水，话也不多，只有在工作上的来往。之前我也从C口中知晓B在背后说我。很想远离这些办公室的纷争，但还是徒劳。人心隔肚皮，在你面前笑脸迎人，背后却张牙舞爪。这个年头小人太多了，也许该去打小人了。嗨。。。

2011-10-01T23:49:00.000+08:00

i almost did....it was close...nearly blew my top just now....makes me very pissed off that my staff is giving me attitude over man power issues..i know where u are coming from....but pls dun test my tolerance and try to be funny....it is not a very good day for me...and the tone and way u spoke, it was close...just a little bit more, and i m gonna burst....luckily my colleague came over...it cut me off for a moment and allowed me to calm down...if not, i wont noe wats gonna happen...i m still ur boss....pls give me that respect and talk to me nicely if u want things to be done...giving me attitude will get u nowhere, if u guai lan me, i'll just do the same to u....easy as that! dun even take my goody temper for granted!Beware! someday, u gonna get it from me!

2011-09-26T23:44:00.000+08:00

there is one thing that i hate about work...that is i do not even have a proper work space...yes there are like 9 of us, but theres only like 6 computers at the work desk...we have to share the usage of the computers and not to mention any space to put my own documents...i noe we are on the floor most of the time, but that is not any reason not to have any proper work space...in all, i still have a substantial amount of admin stuff to do...and now, there are ppl complaining that i leave my things around....seriously...how can i work if i do not even have a proper space? i dun even have any space to put documents...well on paper it says that the coms are for all to use, but in reality, there are certain unspoken rules to which my other more experienced colleagues adhere to...some of them prefer or unofficially make the coms their own....tell me, how am i going to write my report? u ppl complain that i login to the com and leave my things there, but aren't u doing the same thing? have i ever complained or said anything? No i did not, and if u are not happy with me, pls come and tell me straight in the face...stop saying things behind my back!

Seriously, it is very annoying, u complain about other ppl, but u are doing the same thing. get a life! i give u respect based on your seniority and experience, but that does not give u the right to exploit that...respect has to be earned...take a good look at what u are doing before u even comment on others!

2011-09-25T21:22:00.000+08:00

a most melancholic melody that i ever heard recently...vividly...feel so real once more... https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10150458881757627

maybe i should try to pen the lyrics...

Hong Chen (紅塵) - Li Yi Jun (李翊君)

2011-09-07T00:49:00.000+08:00

好喜欢这首歌。它陈述了我的心声。今时今日，恐怕再也没有什么是绝对的。人总是会迈向未来，即使放不下，也会苦苦背负着。一直到终于能放下包袱。在这艰巨的过程，人都会变。经一事长一智，应该就是这样吧。以前，我不爱吃菜，但现在什么菜都吃。只喝茶，讨厌苦涩的咖啡。如今却能享受那浓郁的咖啡香。人的思想和感觉应该和饮食的习惯一样都有变化。回头一看，错过了，怨当时对自己不够坦白，欺骗自己。但一路走来，至少再还没走到尽头前回头并不是一件坏事。这一切可否再重来？

2011-09-03T23:57:00.000+08:00

now i understand y some ppl would like to have more than 24 hours a day....it is simply not enough....sad to say, how many ppl can really enjoy a work-life balance? A typical worker clocks in 8-5pm a day for a week. Thats on paper, count in the time before the worker prepares for work, and after 5pm, the time taken to travel back, thats hardly any life....thats not on top of the OT put in, so the average worker on paper clocks in 40hrs per week, but in reality, it is closer to the 50s....

Well, actually despite the long hours, i m not complaining, in fact i rather enjoy working, hmm, is that a typical symptom of a workaholic... but it would be better if there was some form of compensation, OT pay....hahaha....in the past 2 months, i have been learning everyday....it is a steep learning curve out there....somehow, it isn't just as simple as studying....well, then when i reach home, i jus feel tired...well, last time i took some of the things that i could do at home for granted....reading the papers, taking a shower, surfing the net, and of course blogging...now these things have become a luxury, i cherish the time to take showers, a warm bath to soothe the skin, a slow and hearty meal to enjoy that one more sec of chewing, and the time to watch videos on the net, pen down my thoughts....

life? is it a lifetime of suffering or a blessing to be brought to this world....which one is the truth? this is an age old philosophical question akin to the chicken and egg question? If so, can we have a "truth" for everything in principle? "truth" as we may interpret, illustrates a timeless continuum, but since both from a theological and scientific perspective, "truth" merely defines a well defined set of knowledge up to a point in time, anything that happens after can refute what is previously the "truth"...in this sense, is there really a "truth" of "truth" out there governing all principles that may be applied to all that we may know? A "theory of everything" seems so fanciful and seductive, ultimately, for all of these, is there an answer for everything? if the truth were to be so unstable, is there any meaning to search for answers? yes, throughout mankind's short history, it is this inquisitive mind, or as boserup puts it "neccessity is the mother of invention", that we have progressed thus far...

However, in retrospect, judging from the relative short history of mankind, is this for the better? pardon me for being a pessimist, but evidence seems to say so....capitalism, global warming. the path of advancement or the path of no return?

2011-08-31T00:09:00.000+08:00

反反复复辗转难眠
蓦然上心头
绝句隐隐顺口
流水浮云滑落在心坎

2011-08-11T22:51:00.000+08:00

记得那一晚，同好友去吃夜宵。他说我蠢，不应该去接你，因为自己不能开车去. 回家的路上，我斟酌了许久，内心的挣扎，最后还是去了。巴士车上，明明短短二十分钟的车程，度日如年。快速公路，原来一点也不快，但这时间让我能整理心情一番. 一方面很盼望能见到你，另一方面，却害怕见了面后会很生疏，不如以前。

凌晨的班机，机场变得好寂静，人烟稀少，我找了一个歇脚处，冥想待会儿要对你说什么，在那儿反复练习。在等待的当儿，我一直凝视着手上的手表，几乎爱不释手。眼看电视荧幕上显示着飞机已降落，开始坐立不安，在那儿踌躇。时间分分地过，却不见人影。一直到了人去楼空，接待处早已无人可见，大概过了一小时后，依然空等着。时间一分一分得过，心情随着低落，这时脑海中，一连串的片段，让我极为气馁。可能这一切都是一场梦，可能你早已离开机场，可能班机错了？脑海中接踵而来的片段肯定了我的抉择。静悄悄的伤心欲绝，离开机场。

回家途中，到fb 查看，看见你的朋友，便请他转告你我在等你。一回到家便接到你的电话，那熟悉的声音，暖了我的心。二话不说，一个箭步，火速赶往机场迎接。我三步并作两步，返回早前的地方，望眼一看，四处都无熟悉的面孔。霎时，一阵洪亮的声音引起了我的注意，转头一看，你就踏踏实实的站在我面前。当时，真的不敢相信，日日夜夜盼着，如今眼见为实，差一点压抑不住兴奋的心情。同以往的作风，我装着不经一事，潇洒的模样，淡淡的说了声hi。

我试着掩饰自己的心情，还装什么正定，还好是坐在德士前座，没露出马脚。夜已深，时间是凌晨两点钟，我却丝毫一点疲劳也没有。我想你的声音是特效药，沉浸于此让我精神奕奕。克拉码头河边，边走着，倾听溪水，秉着脚步，感觉很好. 好久都没有这样散步，微风吹过的一瞬间，仿佛又回到1年前湖边那情景。

隔天，七点下班，赶往旅馆，等着等着，因为太累了，在椅子上睡着，一直到你叫醒我。克拉码头夜晚的喧哗，气氛有你的陪伴分外迷人，别有一番风格。星空下漫步，歇脚，时间却过得很快。

随后，你说要我回家休息，我感到很内疚，让你们餐风露宿。翌日，因为工作，而且忙着开会，没办法接见，害你们在乌节路徘徊三小时。7时，赶往夜间动物园，人潮汹涌。虽然我嘴上说不好玩，但这毕竟是我第一次到夜间动物园，看见你们那么enjoy，那么起劲，到底也蛮有感染力。同以往，我带他们去吃豆浆油条，那熟悉的店，原来收藏了许多过去很多难忘的回忆，回味无穷。

东海岸公园骑脚车虽然不是什么很有趣的活动，看看风景，吹吹风倒也很清新。离开繁华喧闹的城市，聆听着大自然的天籁之音，心情畅快。从码头望去，高耸入云的大厦，衬托了公园的朝气让人心旷神怡。傍晚时分，赶往餐厅，美食当前，大家都不拘礼节。所谓入乡随俗，吃辣椒螃蟹非得用手不可。筷子叉子只为碍手碍脚，太做作了。看见你们吃的那么彻底，最后都在舔手指，大概不会太难吃吧。

隔天下午，炎炎夏日，到sultan mosque 后，本想去附近的文化馆但很可惜，文化馆正在装修，只好到四马路观音庙，自己也顺便能去上香。看你们那么有兴趣，就让你们一起上香，向观音菩萨求平安。进去大殿，我们便向观音菩萨求签，看着你前两次都洒满地上，那一幕实在太滑稽了。我抽了支上上签，但你的却是下下签。我知道你心里很郁闷, 很想再回去时多一次。我嘴上说不肯，但其实心里已经答应了，只是想捉弄你。

好久都没求签了。我问观音菩萨关于感情。上面写着“行藏出入礼义恭。言必忠良信必从。心不了然且静澈。光明红日正当中。心中无事，秋水澄清，不需疑惑，事自分明。” 字眼看过去是好签，但果真如此？

过后，到foodcourt 去吃。看到你吃得赞不绝口，我也感到欣慰，菜头果，福建虾面，炒果条，chendol， ice kacang 都是我爱吃的。希望你临走前能尝到本地美食。8点，我们和几位朋友相约在timbre 喝酒闲聊畅饮，真是享受！夜了，其他人都走了，剩下我和你。你说要用我的手机打电话，但你却不肯归还，还想和我交换我从庙里求的签。我不肯，在那儿纠缠了许久。用抢的，哄的，都无效。到最后还是送给了你。我不知道你为何坚持要我的签，但希望你能记得这一切。

送你到酒店门口，依依不舍，相处的时间渐渐少了，话也少了，其实我是在想要怎么跟你道别。到了门口，还是没说，只是说了byebye。你也一样，没说什么，只见门慢慢闭上，目送彼此后，各自重归以往的生活。我感觉你有话对我说，我也一样，但谁也不愿先开口。我在门外徘徊，希望你会出来对我说话，但不如我所盼，悄悄地离开了。走着走着，忽然电话响了，是你。你叫我回去，有话对我说。看着你，真的很不舍得，真希望那个拥抱能到永远。

虽然不是我想象的一幕，但我都还记得你说的每一句话。我感觉到你似乎很收敛，有所犹豫。其实我自己也一样，那一刻被脑袋和心的挣扎占据了，不知道该说什么，做什么，只能站在那儿静静地聆听。很奇怪的是，当时我恨不得离开，怕是怕眼泪不停使唤。

隔天早上，陪着她到庙上香求签，她终于如愿以偿，我也感到兴味。过后便到我小时候混的地方。那里的小贩中心收藏了小时候的回忆。那熟悉的店面，熟悉的脸孔，还有那扑鼻的香味。在这里，我感觉我们像小两口，感觉像是在拍拖，看着你那纯真的微笑，似乎让我忘记你就快要离开了。真希望时间能够停滞，延长我们相处的时间。

再送你上车之前，我还在等着你先表示，但就像一年前，你只是悄悄地消失在人群中。缘分？什么？“众里寻他千百度，蓦然回首，那人却在灯火阑珊处。” 这首诗陈述了我和你的故事。也许是我单方面的看法，但能在茫茫人海中，在某个时间，时空我们相识意味着某种特别的意义。佛说：五百次的回牟才换来今生的擦肩而过“，那这样的故事不是更可贵吗？ ”再见” 在那瞬间似乎失去了意义。他日重逢之日，必经几个春秋，何年何月？

2011-08-01T00:17:00.000+08:00

i have been putting up with your nonsense....if not for them, i wont even wanna spend a single sec with you...you are just very irksome, revolting, irritating, arrogant, cocky, as if you were the wisest man in the world and all the others are idiots....seriously if you were to ask me on maths, science, i would not even be confident of wateva i said, definitely not gonna be a smart alec. But, now u are talking about history, humanities, current affairs, which i would say that i m confident enough to speak up and am sure of the facts...

the problem with u is that, u think too full of urself, u think that u know everything, cocky, arrogant, nothing but just a whippersnapper....u mentioned abt the history of singapore....something that i can even memorise from backwards....i said that singapore's name meant lion-city and was given by a indonesian prince called sang nila utama, and u just insisted that it was just a legend...wat i wanna say is fark u.... sang nila utama indeed named singapura, for he was the prince of the srivijayan empire in the 13th century, and archaeological remains, gold jewellery of the 13th century was indeed excavated from singapore soils. so how was that a legend?

secondly, i say fark u....i said that china and north korea were frens, indeed they are, they have close economic ties, where china supplies up to 70% of their food, and politically, be it for its own vested interests or not, China has vetoed to a number of UN sanctions against North korea....Similarly, China has fought on the side of North korea during the Korean war in 1950 which formed the 38th parallel between the 2 koreas... so to speak, is north korea not china's fren? Plz get your farking facts right before u even try to rebutt me!

the one thing that really pissed me off...i think if i mention it, ppl would just laugh it off.....it is really a joke...i bought this cup of sugar cane juice from the stall, then later, my fren bought from the same stall, but she did not have the lemon, while earlier on i asked for it, and it was at no extra cost...so i was telling her, the lemon is free, of charge, but then he butted in and asked, "the lemon sure got charge, other stalls charge", with that sickening expression of disbelief....i jus replied back annoyingly, " i bought the sugarcane juice, and u can go and try if u don't believe".... he said "are you sure", which really made my blood boil....i cant be bothered to waste my breath on u...totally irritating

then we were supposed to bring our frens around...he insisted on showing them the place where he does his surfing....and i was like " who cares about where u surf", " there is no tourist value or attraction in that" and he was bent on having his way, okay, so we went..and i finally knew y he wanted to go there so badly....well, when we got there, he disappeared for like 15mins, and all of us had to wait for him...well, he wanted for them to see how good was he at surfing, yes, he said " i win alot of competitions", oh man, when i heard that, i was totally disgusted....bhb asshole, i dun need u to show off....then while we were supposed to head back to return our bikes, one of our fren wanted to buy a drink, and he was like " we do not have enough time, we should go", at that time i was thinking " yah, think about y we have to rush back, u disappeared for so long, doing ur own things and we waited for u...fark u, THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR U TO DO WAT U LIKE.... SO U CAN HAVE YOUR WAY, U CAN DO THE THINGS U WANNA DO, BUT OTHERS CANT????

then i bought bubble tea and drank on his car, okay, i was very careful, i din spill, i threw it away in the dustbin the moment i got off the car, but later, he was asking annoyingly, "where is your bubble tea", at that time, i tot he wanted to drink, so i said i finished....then he continued asking " then where is it now", i said, i threw it away, but then he was so kan chiong and asked " where did u throw it", i was like wtf? of course i threw in the dustbin...y u asking such questions...it then dawned on me that he was insinuating that i left rubbish in his car....wtf

farking hate this asshole, go get ur farking facts right before u even come and talk to me, go farking google and read up before u even make any comments....really spoiled my day....i had enough u....

2011-07-21T23:32:00.000+08:00

Seriously, today is a very farked up day for me....it just makes my blood boil thinking about it....never had time to even visit the toilet...the moment i started work, was bombarded with calls...ran up and down the sales floor...raised 5 requisition forms, then there was the farked up supplier that came in to do set up for promotion....i was areadi told before hand that this particular supplier is a pain in the neck...well, thanks, first day of business and you farking give me problem....i m just like the middleman sandwiched in between...seriously, this was not my fault, pls don't make your problem my problem....damn pissed with this buyer....you were the farking person to authorise and give permission to the supplier, which in the first place you do not have the power to do so...secondly, u fail to inform me, so now when the problem arise, you make it sound so easy, but are you the one responsible? are u the one coming up with the solution? NO! Fuck you! you just called me and blasted me! Thats your problem rite? you approved the supplier, so you go find the solution for him, not me! i din agree to his demands! You have no right to interfere on operations side, now you were the one to create this problem...Fark you! And to the arrogant and cocky supplier, seriously, FARK YOU! i m no pushover, u dun threaten me seriously....i dun farking care whether is there anybody to do the sales...you come in here, you abide by our rules...simple as that! MAI GA LIMPEI LAO LAN!!!!

NOW, get this clear, if ur promoters are not going to follow our rules, then, sorry, pls leave the sales floor, u are not allowed to do sales....

2011-07-19T20:19:00.000+08:00

stress!stress!stress! Preparation for the upcoming MD's visit in Sep and APRCE in oct is going to be in full force, we just gotta come up with the schedule, and here i am, dreading it, oh great, just the 2 of us, overseeing the entire store, more than 15000 sq metres....i m relishing the prospects of handling such a big project, but there are simply so many things, many small details to look out for, it is just like threading on thin ice, one very wrong step, and everything falls apart....haiz....well, fortunately, i no longer haf to be in charge of the company's promise project....thats a heavy load off my shoulders thanks to the 2 new incoming mgmt trainees...hahaha....well saw them officially today, and it was straight to work for them, cos me and my other colleague is simply tied up with this Visit....haha, well well, i guess i missed the welcome dim sum treat by my boss, too bad i was not around, haiz...but nvm...as usual...girls just like to gossip...hahaha....well yea, so demoralising....they said that there was no good looking guys in the company....!!!! lol, okie i wanted to reply....theres one right in front of u! hahahah...well well, at least her PR skills were good enuff to add in that there are some not bad, but just not compatible...ahaha, obviously trying to placate me...ahaha...sighz...y do ppl like to not mean wat they say? speaking one's mind is like a social suicide...lol....oh well....

2011-07-15T23:44:00.000+08:00

Today was a bad day....well, now i m so pissed....if not for jus now....i wont be so angry....firstly, due to shortage of manpower, i have been standing on the sales floor the whole day, came across some nice customers who were appreciative of my service, actually most were nice and well, there were some who were rather rude and seriously, i don't know what the farking problem with them....it is not like i was rude to them, i spoke to them in a very nice tone, trust me, this customer who wanted to apply for our in house discount card, this was wat i told her in exact words apologetically " sorry mdm, you need to head up to level 4 customer service to get your card application proccessed" and there she mumbled grudgingly to herself, and just slammed the pen that i lent her on the table...seriously, i dunno wats wrong with these ppl...then during store closing there was this weird couple, coming up to me, and wanted to take a shortcut thru to the carpark...i told her nicely, "sorry mdm, we are closed, the exit at the other side is locked" and she raised her voice " y cant u open the door and let ppl walk thru", i replied her nicely, " mdm, we are closed, and security has locked the shutters", and she was gonna say something when her husband pulled her away....this is wat i so wanted to say to her " mdm, do you understand english? we are closed! of course we need to shut the doors, if not how are we gonna call it a day?

well, it din end until i was walking home....i was at the traffic junction crossing the road when the green man came up, so it was green light for the cars going parallel to me, and there was this car that wanted to turn into my direction....almost left with 1/4 to the other side of the road, this car which was so impatient, came into the yellow box so near the crossing....it was blocking the path of the oncoming traffic....i saw that i had 6 more secs to cross to the other end, when this car honked at me! i was damn pissed and shocked, i had the right of the way, cant u farking see that it was the green man! y are u so impatient? and u were illegally in the yellow box blocking cars from the opposite, at the same time, a taxi coming from the opposite honked at that car, becos it was blocking the traffic....i walked across and turned my head to see who was the driver, at the same time to diao and stare at that farker... it was a female driver driving an mpv with her family....it was then the traffic light flashed the green arrow for cars her direction to turn....farking assholes! farked up drivers! i hope u burn in hell, farking hope that u get into car accident and appear on newspapers the next day! this world is full of idiotic and stupid ppl!!!!

2011-07-10T14:15:00.000+08:00

it was quite rushing initially, almost thought that i was gonna be late, well, i think it turned out fine, knocked off at 6pm, got on dad's car, picked up the camera from sis and had a few hiccups along the way, traffic jams...but still made it there, i think my dad always ensures that i'll be on time, and i m very grateful for that....

reached the ucc theatre, saw jon there, headed to the changing room to put on my gown...saw familiar faces, and laughed, joked, ease the excitement a little. frantically called my parents, they din pick up their fone...i tot i had lost them, but dad called, by that time, it was a bit late, and mum suggested going outside there to take photos...i stood in front of the commencement signage, but dad and mum stood there...i asked them to take together, but dad insisted on taking for me and mum....there was no one in sight to help us take one, so i took one with mum first...i handed over the camera to dad...while me and mum was getting ready and posed...dad was fiddling with the camera, he tried every button, but seemed not to get it right....he was straining his eyes to reach out for the right buttons...

it dawned on me that how time flies, mum and dad are getting older, their faces, starting to wrinkle, their eye sight slowly failing, all these came by without me noticing...finally it is time for me step out, hopefully i can ease their burden a little....but i know my parents will never stop worrying about me....

snapped a few fotos and got seated into the hall by 8pm...funny, 3 years passed by so swiftly, so many memories, enough to last a lifetime, ups and down, but still i have to agree...it is uncertainty that colours our lives, if not, life would be so boring and mundane....

funny though for the second speaker, it felt like a national day parade speech, she even sang "home", hahaha, propaganda? the loudest applause were reserved for her, haha i suspect is not becos of her speech, but becos it was signaling the end of the ceremony....i could sense the immense anticipation...ppl were getting ready to leave the hall....make that dash...for food! i could smell it in the air....the smell of food wafted through the atmosphere...everybody was famished...as usual, the kiasu singaporeans queued up for food....

then came my frens, with flowers, it was a very nice gesture indeed, at least wateva regrets i had for university, i din regret making good frens whom i believed would be a part of my life for a long way to come....the night was a massive foto taking session, cameras clicking, flashing megawatt smiles....but after the fun, it was back to reality....there was unfinished work to be completed the next day....i geared myself, took a nap on the way back home...woked up the next day, and still cant believe i graduated....or was it just a dream?

2011-06-26T20:42:00.000+08:00

挥之不去。在我未能控制之于，原想能暂且搁置。冥冥中自有安排。我还以为我很清楚自己想要什么，但很遗憾的是，当你问我的时候，脑袋却一片空白。之前所规划好的似乎不再符合实际。迟疑了，我想你也看出来了。女生就是对此特别敏感，我知道我再怎么掰也骗不了你。毕竟你的心思很犀利，细腻，什么事都瞒不了你。

到底还是经历过。一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳。尽管朋友怎样鞭策，我还是很谨慎，不敢想太多，过于乐观。这样的心态很悲观但对我而言，给自己一个心理准备，痛处不会那么厉害。希望越高失望越大，这一向都是我的看法，也许这就是我的毛病，永远处于被动的形势。

曾经很困扰，对你说的每一句话都反复推敲，剖析。我觉得很累，每天处于猜疑的思维，让我喘不过气来。怕是自己自作多情，胡思乱想。另一方面，又怕自己重蹈覆辙，错过了。这一切耗了精神，吃不消。

我想这一切会随着时间而慢慢淡去，努力的忘记，不再对你猜疑。现在保持现有的关系应该恰当。说我懦弱，胆小。以免再受挫折，明哲保身即是最好的办法。

2011-06-23T00:02:00.000+08:00

these days, work has been rather draining, everyday after work, i just feel like going straight home to bed....thats how tiring it is...i guess theres less time and energy to blog....today was sorta supposed to be a surprise, as we would be handed our assignment letter...we would know which department we would be going...well well, it was what we had predicted,expected, but prolly nobody else would have guessed. hahahaha, i cant imagine me in this department....i think my frens would not be able to believe it....

seriously, it is definitely like the north and south pole....but well, i guess the management has their own plans and prolly i have something that they see in me which i do not.....hahaha, it is such a big department, no, i mean, it is the core business, making up close to 30% of revenue....

thats a lot of work there....and theres the upcoming major events to attend to...a logistics and planning nightmare....the privates sales in september, and the regional retail managing directors convention. 200 MDs from japan is coming over, and i m definitely gonna be involved in this.....so much work, and at the same time, so much stuffz to learn.....

2011-06-21T22:41:00.000+08:00

i dunno wats happening to me....but i jus felt offended...normally i think i wont even take it to heart, but somehow, i just felt this way...well, yeah, i did try to make an effort to ask her out, but seems to me that u just took it for granted, it was made in such a way that i had to serve you, and u had to hang up on me and dun return my calls, which i feel indignant. U seem to think that it was my part to make it happen and when things dun turn out as expected, u put the blame on me...i dun think it is fair, and it is plain rude of u!

2011-06-11T17:49:00.000+08:00

okie, the week is over, my first few days at work went on smoothly...a 2 week induction program, starting the day at 9.30am and ending at 6pm. lectures, video presentations, interspersed with store visits make up one full day of work. Tiring. rushing from place to place, trying not to fall asleep and paying attention during lectures seems just like university.

colleagues have been really nice and warm. to the point that it makes me a bit paiseh, cos i feel bad that they are treating us lunch everyday. different colleagues taking turns. i forgot to mention that there is another fellow trainee who never fails to keep me on my toes, well, someone for me to direct my boredom, my sarcasm, bullshit and crap. well well, it is fun, i guess it would be so damn boring without u here, and i greatly appreciate that, though i often sound mean, but i just meant no harm. hahaha, hope that more good things will be coming by, and i would cherish these 2 weeks, our so called honey moon period.

2011-06-06T23:18:00.000+08:00

honestly speaking, i have to say that i m rather good at concealing my emotions, well, i was told that i looked fierce and unapproachable, but it is just like a durian, the goodness inside, a sharp contrast to its physical appearance. i was reading this book on body languages, and came across an article by paul ekman. his thesis on fake and genuine smiles was very intriguing. i took the test to to distinguish between fake and genuine smiles, and got a dismal 11/20. I think i m bad at differentiating. well, especially if i myself do not really know how to smile.

Honestly, i think i dun really noe how to smile. i dunno. i tried practising in front of the mirror. however, i feel disgusted whenever i see myself trying to put together a smile. it looks so fake. i tried looking for photos on my fb profile for pictures that was me really smiling and happy.

i have a conclusion. i think it applies to me only as far as i noe. as i was looking at past pictures, i was recalling the events and situations leading up to those photos, and i can say that it is not too difficult to spot my genuine smile and fake smile.

i guess we can all try this out and learn to differentiate and get to know ourselves better. smiling is both about the lips and not the lips. other facial expressions would determine whether one's smile is a natural expression of happiness or mechanically put together.

i realise that there were quite a number of photos which i was smiling genuinely coming from a particular album. yeah, even i did not realise it, but i think for those who knows about smiling, would easily identify it. it is very obvious. try it for yourself.

2011-06-01T22:12:00.000+08:00

today, for the first time, i set foot back to nus with a different feeling,...i feel more estranged, not quite the same feeling as were the times of the past. It was devoid of the vibrancy and vitality that were so evident before. but i guess it is just me, the nostalgic streak acting up.

I bidded goodbye on the last day of April, fond memories, happy times, down times. Definitely at the threshold of a new era for me. A step into society, warned by many of untold dangers, people from all walks of life. i can't believe that next week this time, i would be officially contributing to the statistics of singapore's labour force.

A day ago, i still had the conviction that i was not gonna make it. After all, it was like what the director said " a thorn among the roses". 1 guy, 2 tests, 3 interviewers and 4 candidates, nothing short of an enriching experience, an eye opener in fact, words understate my feelings.

i reckoned that my last interview was rather awful, i thought i gave slipshod replies and was probably not gonna make it. as i walked out of the room, i was thinking of how to prepare for the next day's interview. Despite the perceived poor performance, i was still expecting for the better, hoping to hear some good news, but, at the same time, i was prepared for the worst.

i woke up at 7 to wash up and get ready to leave for school. i realised i was religiously checking my phone for no apparent reason. perhaps it really did matter to me after all, as i persuaded myself to move on. 8am came by, there was no response, 9am, still, not a missed call. 10am, by that time, i was resigned. At 1012am, my phone rang, a familiar number i recognised immediately, diligently reminding me to turn up on time for interviews. i knew this was coming, i gasped, inhaled a fresh breath of oxygen and answered the call.

it was the familiar voice that i heard over again, but at that time, my mind was not concentrating, i could not make out what she was saying over the phone, except "successful", that was when i awoke from my slumber. That was really totally unexpected.

the rest is inconsequential. now a step into society!

2011-05-30T23:03:00.000+08:00

while i was looking at my blog, i accidentally clicked on something, and the picture actually showed up, and i could see it very clearly. i had forgotten about it totally. but when i tried to click again to see the picture on my blog, i could not do it again....i had tried the umpteen time, but to no avail.... i had actually wanted to make it appear on my blog as a background picture, but i cant seem to be able to do that....i guess this is how it should be, the memories, happy times would always be there, unseen, unheard, but sometimes "pop up" occasionally for me to reminisce, the picture reminded me of u once more, the happy times we shared, the laughter still permeates and fills the room and i cherish the picture.

青黄二组

2011-05-28T16:01:00.000+08:00

那时候年仅小三，懵懵懂懂不知道要参加什么课外活动。当时只知道和朋友三五成群，寻欢作乐。每当休息时，一群血气方刚的男生都会聚集在操场上玩。 Pepsi-cola 是当时最in 的游戏，但有时还会拉拉女同学头发，跳跳hopscotch。。。还记得放学后，常常到附近的playground 流荡，到组屋玩block catching。

小学真是多么令人回味。当时每当recess 时，大约在9.30am，和一群朋友，还记得他们的名字，鹤张，伟俊，建宏，仁豪，渊凯，伟杰还有正卿兴冲冲的到操场，希望看到有人在打篮球。当时最in的消遣活动就是篮球。再加上班上的女孩子都喜欢看我们打球。 haha，每次有女同学来看男生们便会使尽浑身解数摆姿势，装cool。。

篮球社团当时有小6 的学长，但因为他们即将毕业，所以老师要培养新的一支球队，参加比赛。每逢星期六，上午8时至12时，我们都会在篮球场练习。老师安排了学长来教我们基本的运球和跨脚的动作。再多几次练习，老师便教我们怎样跑步上篮，然后便是分组“打队”，就是分组对打。当时，学长们就开始recruit 他们觉得在我们这班，他们最有潜力。

后来在班上老师换了我的位子，坐在一个叫sharon 的旁边。。。久而久之对她产生好感，常常被老师骂，还被罚站。放学后便随她到playground 玩。记得以前很喜欢捉弄她，取笑她，拉她的头发。后来发现她很仰慕我的好友伟俊的球艺。那时候有点失落，不知如何是好，所以便参加了篮球。

在班上，她都会借着篮球的话题找伟俊说话，见她们有说有笑，心里又是嫉妒又是伤心。当时不知道为什么去参加篮球，大概跟sharon 有一点关系吧，但我觉得自己也热爱篮球，每次都很向往在球场上一较高低。怎么说呢？当时伟俊和鹤张是最要好的朋友也是篮球队里最有实力的。我那时很仰慕伟俊的球艺，不管是在投篮，上篮，运球方面都独具一格，而鹤张凭着身高和速度撑着半边天。

老师最喜欢这两位同学了，细心栽培。大约在小四的时候，学长们都毕业了，便将棒子递给我们这一群新生。老师也很细心地将我们分组，为黄青二组。一直以来青组便是比较强的一支队，很多队员都被选上代表学校参加比赛。鹤张和伟俊都到了青组，而我被分到了黄组。有点失落，以为本想能到一个好的队伍，并且和二位并肩作战，但这个希望落空了。

不过虽然开始我很气馁，但我想我的动力来自于sharon，不屈不挠，认真练习，终于有所表现。虽然在对打的时候，青组在鹤张和伟俊的带领下频频获胜，而黄组常常属于挨打的情况，但我的表现受到老师的肯定，终于被选上参加比赛。

后来鹤张和伟俊闹翻了，鹤张便转到了黄组来，黄组可以说是添了一位猛将，而孤守青组的伟俊，孤军作战，好几次都让黄组击败。我很仰慕伟俊的球艺，他是我的榜样，至今，他和我分享的投球，上篮技巧深深紧记，而我的球技在潜移默化下与他非常相似，都有着同样独特的投篮手势。

记得小六代表学校参加比赛时，获得不少经验。虽然4战4败，但让我大开眼界，让我看到一山还比一山高。但我想这个经验始终是个阴影，因为升上中学时，我就是没信心，没有参加篮球队，也是我的遗憾。

Tin Pei Ling responds to netizens' petition

2011-05-17T02:14:00.000+08:00

if there was any indication of anything to come by after being elected into parliament, Tin peiling would never have thought that the work has just started for her, and ahead is an arduous path to silence her critics. In my own view, i think it is better to leave things as such, be a graceful citizen, respect the voting results. Since this is the decision of people of Marine parade, then so be it. online petitions like calling for her resignation or replacing george yeo is futile, and in actual fact, violating the very spirit of democracy, the power of the people.

Cut her some slack. As she said, let her actions do the talking, stop shining the spotlight on her, trying to vilify her, as it may in fact work to her advantage. Such is the irony. The more negative or protests from the citizens, the more she would wanna prove herself. it is a good thing that she has derived motivation from these negative reports and channel them to fuel her passion for serving the people. but on the other hand, with so much negativity and condemn of her, the PAP has every motivation to make sure that she does not fail. too big too fail, for if at the end of 5 years, her dismal report card would be a tight slap at the PAP. A glaring mistake, misjudgement would further jeopardise their political legitimacy. So i am sure that the PAP would through all means make sure that she produce results and do work.

I mean, if the citizens are adamant on breathing down on her neck, then we are not going to let things take its natural course, since she would get "extra help" to make sure that becomes an MP that solves problems. We want to see her results based on her capability, not the help from PAP! So it is better to cut her some slack and let her do her job quietly. Complaining, constantly scrutinizing her would not help her, but just make it look more wayang!

People are gonna become more skeptical, since the media only reports on news worthy issues. we are gonna get more news like this showing how tin peiling goes out of her way to meet the people, blah blah blah, which many are gonna say that the media is pap's propaganda machine, its inherent bias towards the incumbent.

if u wanna comment that PAP "wayang", y the media only reports on tin peiling, and PAP, then have a look at y this came about. becos it is news worthy, that's y it is reported. So if u want less "bias", lets not harp too much on this, we should just move on from here, judge her on her work. Save the sacarsm.

I was appalled at SM coming to Tin peiling's defence. i guess we understand the PAP's intention to reach out to the young slate, the younger generation. PAP wants Tin peiling to represent us. Yes, i think we all welcomed that, and we are not arguing on that issue. Age and experience was not the main disgruntlement, but the quality of her contribution that was of paramount significance. We are not against her age, but doubting her capabilities, and her age was just another factor that was played up by the media.

the question mark over tin peiling was more of whether she would be able to represent the young generation, whether she could really connect and relate to the citizens, becoming our voice in parliament. i m sure that ppl were not judging her based on her age nor her gender. She must have her own opinions and ideas, logical and sound thinking, demonstrating a certain level of maturity and knowledge.

So far, i don't think she have any of these qualities that would make her justify SM and PAP's intentions. her lack of knowledge of economic fundamentals, her failure to take responsibility for her cooling day remarks, and her refusal to address any PAP policies, though politically diplomatic, fails in her endeavor to fulfil the initial aims, since she was not able to feedback and reflect the feelings of the young generation.

we definitely welcome more young people to enter parliament and represent us. However.since we are paying top dollar to these MP's, there is no reason, i repeat no reason for us to pay her for what she is not worth. we cant afford to let her "grow", just like in the private sector, u are paid only for the amount of work you do and the remunerations indicates the amount of the work and ability u have. the pay is a reflection of your current abilities, not your potential to grow. if we wanna emulate the private sector and pay top dollar for talents, then, we have to acknowledge this fundamental rule of labour.

SM's comment merely exacerbated my impression that he has really lost touched with reality. What i see now is their frantic efforts to placate the widespread discontenment. Whether it is the start of more to come or the end of so called reforms, it remains to be seen, and 5 years down the road, we can evaluate and decide. in the mean time, lets just not give her so much attention, which merely translates to more reports and reinforce our skepticism.

2011-05-14T12:50:00.000+08:00

okie, if anybody thought i was locking up my blog for good, hahaha, i m not, i was just trying to change the whole blog, the layout, blogskin, and other things. i thought it would be good for a change since the last skin was shitty, i just chose any skin at random that fit my layout. for the past few days, i have been trying to do up the blog, so thats y i locked it.

i was reading up on HTML codes, and my head was going in rounds....i cant master that, okie, so here is the new blog look, the best that i could do with my limited HTML skills. i wanted to have some pictures on the blogskin, but i was unable to do that...so if anyone can teach me, drop me a msg in the tagboard, greatly appreciated.

i was fiddling with the dashboard controls and settings the past few days, i just realised there was a "stats" section where u could track the number of site visits and where the audience came from. and i tot who would even wanna read my shit, surprise, surprise.well, singapore came out tops, with US the second and theres HK, China, and a few one off visits when people prolly typed the wrong address, hahah i even have visitors from russia and france...lol! Anyway in the midst of revamping, i lost the links to frens blog, so i hope u guys can post your links on the tagboard so i could relink them.

200 Pounds Beauty OST - (Byul) Full Version

2011-05-10T01:08:00.002+08:00

ipod 上播着这首韩语歌曲，很喜欢这曲子。刚好我也在翻看过往的照片。人生中最美好的回忆有几个人能好好珍惜呢？怨。为何相机只能瞬间捕捉美好的时光？还没好好感受，却狠狠被时光掳走，剩余的只不过是让人回味的时光，唤起心中的影像。不知何时，连我自己也没察觉，眼眶即是怪怪的。随着歌曲的结束，这种感觉再也找不回了。我试着重游旧地却无收获。若能重温这一切，在所不辞。有句话说 “生命诚可贵，爱情价更高”，果真如此？爱情何以价更高？我觉得是回忆起以往，唤起当时的感觉极为可贵。

我现在最需要的是一部时光机。不，应该是一部重温机。我希望能将这些美好的回忆与感觉一一收藏。人为什么在回想着过往会掉泪呢？我想是一种惋惜的心态，再加上几分无奈，丝丝渴望。

也有人说不要活在过去，要好好走下去。说的比做还容易吧。就好像你在街上遗漏了东西，但人家却劝你不要管它，继续向前走。往往遗漏的东西务必找回来，一旦失去，再也不能回头了。说我固执，说我执着，我知道这给我添了不少麻烦，但如果还有多一次机会，我依然会回头寻找丢失的物件，但我找回后，会更加谨慎好好收着。但是现实往往不尽如人意，就算巡回同样的路搜索，未必能找回遗失的东西。可能被风吹走了，被人捡了去，总之天时地利人和就是没碰上。

或许我应该庆幸，因为我相信平行世界的存在。在这”现实“ 中，竟是如此，但在另外一个世界，便是我渴望的事变。难道这就是庄子所谓的“庄周梦蝶”？难以区分真与假？我希望有朝一日，我能超越“现实”到那“虚幻”世界寻找我所遗失的东西。

2011-05-08T12:10:00.000+08:00

the results read PAP 81 WP 6. it was a remarkable result and a joyous occasion in Singapore's political history. Never had the opposition won a GRC, never had the opposition ousted a cabinet minister, never had the PAP won by such historically narrow margins, never had so many seats been contested. It was an election of unprecedented fervor, competition, excitement, but nevertheless this was supposed to be a watershed election for the opposition. Alas, expectations failed to meet and many others were utterly disappointed, some took it graciously, some took responsibility while some took to the blame game. this is not about pap versus opposition, this is not about contrarianism. The media, PAP leaders, opposition has lost their focus: Singapore's Future. this is not about losing a foreign minister, nor losing a veteran opposition figure, this is about singapore's future, and it just seems that we have lost it for a moment. things settle down after last night's results, and life goes on after that, where this is just the beginning of living with the decision we have made.

No matter who we vote, be it PAP or Opposition, it is a Singaporean's future, our vision of what we wanna have in politics. Stop criticising and blaming PAP voters or Opposition supporters. These are the rules of the game, you cant just blame each other for taking sides becos this is the very nature of how it is played. If we have to harp on the loss of a good foreign minister, then we should also lament the loss of a dutiful opposition veteran of 27 years, or even some useless trash that rode on the coattails of veterans into parliament at the expense of more deserving candidates. Blame not the people who took sides and voted strongly for what they believed, but cheers for these people who stood their ground and was not held swayed by the mass media and cajoling on each side of the camp.

If there is a need to channel all your pent up frustrations, direct it to those who failed to take sides. To those who voted not what they stood for for various reasons. These are the people who have truly violated the spirit of democracy, they failed to cherish the voting power in their hands, they traded it for selfish material gains and worst of all, traded it becos of fear. These are the people who should be ashamed of themselves, they do not deserve to talk about politics, democracy. Accept what you have decided on, since you have ceded your power to others to make that decision for u. It is futile to hope and wait for others to effect the changes that you desire, and disgusting while you could go on and reap the benefits without facing your so called "consequences". To those who cast neither PAP nor opposition, you deserved to be condemned, and you have no right to comment on anything in future. Stop complaining, should i say you do not have a right to complain, just STFU becos u have failed to make a decision, u just gotta live with it. Blame yourself for not making a decisive decision. you make say that u r just a single vote, it does not carry much weight. Think again before you make such a statement, WP's Yee Jenn Jong lost out narrowly to PAP's Charles Chong by a mere 300 votes, and in that smc, there were over 300 void. One of the fiercest battle, was potong pasir smc, where Lina chiam lost by a mere 114 votes while there were 200 odd voids. If only these people could ever make up their mind, their insignificant power when agglomerated would change the results.

I m not against those who voted PAP nor those who vote against the opposition, becos these people have dared to venture out, vote, and live with their decisions thereafter. It is to those who voted not what they stood for and those who casted void votes. You people have wasted resources and your own time, and you shall not have the privilege to comment on anything or complain on any political issue. I'll feel very disgusted to hear of such people commenting and criticising when they have not had the courage nor hopes to effect changes. Stop blaming the government, or any reason other than yourself, YOU BETTER STFU.

2011-05-02T15:26:00.000+08:00

okie, this post will be a response to a comment i saw on fb...now with exams over and so much time on hand, i m very "eng" now, so i will engage in all this arguments. feel free to engage me, as i think i will learn alot along the way too.

Firstly. we ask ourselves wat do we mean by democracy? the newspapers, PAP candidates have been talking about this all the time...."Singapore is a democratic country", "singapore has a democratic parliamentary system", these are many of the headlines and descriptions that describes and employs the use of "democracy". democracy can be said to consists of 4 elements:

A political system for choosing and replacing the government through free and fair elections.

2. The active participation of the people, as citizens, in politics and civic life.

3. Protection of the human rights of all citizens.

4. A rule of law, in which the laws and procedures apply equally to all citizens.

then u may ask, what is politics then? politics is just a way of making collective decisions. This is entrenched in John locke's two treatise of government. the main idea recognises the intrinsic rights of individual humans, and the apparent violation if one individual does something to the detriment of another. it calls for a system of maintaining the rights of both, and hence there is this momentum to surrender some of these rights to a collective body for security and to uphold these rights in a just and fair manner, of locating an order amongst chaos.

in retrospect, contemporary politics has adopted democracy as the system of governance, and it consists of all 4 elements listed above. so to speak, choosing and replacing the government through free and fair elections is the process of the power of individuals to choose their government. So in any case, recognising the diversity and heterogeneity of ideas and opinions as a result of the active participation of the people as citizens from point 2, provides a landscape of with different views, opinions.

the nature of politics has a built in mechanism to agglomerate power to the majority and also neccessitating a collective body to govern. This provides the impetus of a struggle for power, and hence different factions or groups of opposing views are part of this process of politics. the voting system whereby each individual is empowered to make their own choices to choose candidates to hold political power, makes it inevitable for candidates to try to convince the majority to adopt their set of ideas, opinions. in effect, the voting system we have now is an inherent adversarial process. hence, to speak of a democracy without opposition is delusional. having a democracy without opposition, is to have a form but without substance, a body devoid of spirit.

2011-05-02T02:17:00.000+08:00

okie, actually this is gonna be a ranting post....i jus felt indignant...a natural reaction i guess...u can call a girl stupid and shes ok with it, but definitely not ugly, likewise, u can call a guy ugly, but not stupid.... i guess ppl can judge for themselves, it is right out there in the open for ppl to scrutinize and see....we will noe who is the delusional one....i mean for me, if my thinking is wrong or if i made a mistake, i would gladly acknowledge that upfront, but this time round, i m not wrong, and i jus hate it that some ppl still think that they are damn outright correct. my words to u, u have really gotten on my nerves! being stupid is not a crime, but being stupid and delusional is! i was kind enuff to cut u some slack and not make u a mockery on fb, if not i can be very mean with my words. pls, i besiege u to reflect on yourself, next time before u blurt something out, ask for advice and make sure u are dead right before u even make snide remarks about others! everyone is endowed differently, being intellectually challenged is natural and inevitable, no one would blame u, but GEH KIANG is unforgivable! NEXT TIME, PLS GET UR FACTS RIGHT AND PROCESS IT THRU UR BIRD BRAIN BEFORE U EVEN SAY IT OUT!

2011-04-30T23:19:00.005+08:00

i am very glad that the so called "young generation" labelled apathetic by the PAP leaders are not that apathetic afterall. Judging by the numerous online notes that has appeared up on my wall written by friends, our generation is in fact very concerned and engaged in the local political scene. Pro-PAPs, Pro-Opposition, some even don't care as well as those on the fence, proclaiming their party neutrality. I would like to highlight a few contentious points abt this general elections so far.

First point i would like to highlight to those who proclaim to be "neutral". Please wake up your idea! In politics, there is no such thing as being objective. At the end of the day, all the discussions by those in this group analyzes the situation with a great degree of scrutinization, weighing the pros and cons. However, at the end of the conclusion, u had arrived at a stand to take. That is to say, u have deviated from what u had initially set out to claim. Politics is fundamentally adversarial, at best we as voters, can only make a subjective objectivity.Ultimate objectivity does not exist in any sense! Usually ppl in this group starts with the following "i m not taking any sides..." , " I m not advocating any party..." but in the very essence of their arguments, they have made a stand, that is to alleviate their subjectivity as objectivity, which is no different from any of the others, but just that they themeselves are confused and trying to make a stand, trying to either win over the Pro-PAP, Pro-Opposition and those who are undecided.

2nd point that i would like to highlight is regarding the ST article that says that Aljunied residents are put in an emotional dilemma. The gist of the article talks about how residents would get the short end of the stick, losing a good Minister or a formidable Opposition "A" Team. Some of the Aljunied residents, friends and people's note that i read have highlighted the neglect of the very basic promise of what they wanna do for Aljunied. That the WP is merely selfishly ensuring the survival of their own and putting only the residents of Aljunied in a dilemma. What i think is that, yes, the WP is ensuring its own survival, yes, it is putting a emotional dilemma on Aljunied Residents. But think! In the broader framework, are they really to blame? No i dun think so, they are merely playing by the rules of the game, in this case the GRC system. Have you thought that the PAP is in fact doing the same thing in other GRCs. This "emotional dilemma" is exaggerated and over hyped by the media. Is it wrong to put in your best effort, assemble the best team you have to contest in the elections and win it fairly on merit? Aren't we all lamenting the low quality of opposition candidates all along? Should we not be happy that this is in fact a healthy sense of competition, more choices. I have to agree that it is cruel, but isn't this a fact of life? If you think there is nothing wrong, den it is easier for me to convince u that the PAP is merely using this GRC system to dilute, stretch the opposition's resources, putting in place higher barriers to safeguard their own political survival, shamelessly justifying on the indisputable moral high ground of minority representation. this is indeed the People's action party! y are they redrawing election boundaries relentlessly? y are they raising the election deposit again to $16k? for minority representation? i dun think so, it is just to make it more difficult for opposition to contest!!

this brings me to the 3rd point about Aljunied residents having the freedom to vote for themselves and not be held ransom to consider the "greater interests". For many years, we have been casting our vote whereby we vote for a candidate to take care of our needs of the various GRCs and also the greater interests of Singapore. Singapore's electoral system is constructed in such a way that the political candidates that we vote into parliament to take care of our various GRCs are then the candidates that the president of Singapore would consider to appoint the PM and in turns chooses his own various cabinet ministers to manage the various ministries. So to speak, all of us in our various GRCs are in fact voting for "Singapore's future" and our own GRC. We cant separate the purpose of the votes into our own GRC and the "Singapore's interest", it is intertwined here. Also, i don't think non aljunied residents are pressurizing aljunied residents in the first place. As mentioned, politics is adversarial, we have to take sides, to a pro-pap voter, well, it may seemed to be that they are pressurised when they are being convinced, but to a pro-opposition, it may not sound like pressurising, but merely pointing out the intricate fundamentals. To use the word "pressurise" seems a bit exaggerated when all WP did was to pose 3 questions for Aljunied Residents to answer before they make their decision. 1. Whether their lives were better compared to 5 years ago. 2. Whether are they more hopeful of their future and their children's future. 3. whether with the WP, will there be checks and balances on the government, while our MM had just employed the "fear" tactics again, "It may well happen that they win, in which case the people of Aljunied live with the results. The only way people learn is when they have to pay a price. From time to time we may lose, and the voters pay the price....Five years, they’re in charge of your property and your lives… finally you have to make a choice. If you like to try your luck, well good luck to you. If you have the wrong government, your property prices go right down." So comparatively who is pressurising?

the 4th point i wanna highlight is that referring to the opposition as "opposition" is a gross misrepresentation of the myriad of parties out there. "opposition" seems to be conferring a negative connotation of resisting in all sense irregardlessly. But in actual fact, the "opposition", i try very hard not to use the word "opposition" but i guess propaganda is deeply entrenched in me....The alternative voices have in fact pointed out the problems of the PAP, their misses and provided insightful remedies. "opposition" also seems to confer a sense of the actions as being "illegal", while i cant seem to identify what is illegal here...is healthy robust debate illegal? y are alternative voices being drowned out? Conversely, y not call PAP "oppression"? how would opinions and views change if it PAP was labelled this way? This gross misrepresentation of PAP/Opposition just naturalises PAP discourses, and vilifies the alternative voices, reinforcing their very own political legitimacy.

5th point regarding TPL's supposedly securing the promise of Macpherson merchant and hawker association to not raise food prices for the next 6months! WOW~ wat a mammoth effort to help stabilise prices for 6months! she sure acted swiftly to tackle inflation and rising prices, but to delve deeper, is asking the merchant and hawker association to stabilise prices a sound move? no, it is merely a stop-gap measure. simple economics apply here, just like wat NSP candidate Nicole Seah said, rentals of these stalls and prices of raw inputs of food are the ultimate determinants of the rise of food prices. An informed and rational hawker would not raise prices on his own becos he is a price taker! raising prices individually would just make him lose his profits! And finally who controls prices of stall rentals? NEA! NEA response was that rentals was a reflection of market conditions?? market conditions?i onli noe supemarket and wet market. so u have no way of regulating? wat is the housing measures den? so i see how she missed the whole picture of who to look for to stem the rise in prices! PAP has clearly lost touch with the ground and reality, but are still in denial!

Lastly, the unique and descriptive analogies put forward by the PAP ministers during their rally speech paints an overt hostility and bad image of WP. Their analogies are warped in their own ideas. In the Moulmein-Kallang rally, Dr Yaccob had used the analogy of the F1 driver as the prime minister with a team of engineers, personnels supporting him. I suspect this is a counter analogy to that of WP's co-driver analogy as the need for a co driver beside the driver to slap him and get him to focus, while continuing to talk and keep him awake if he does not fall asleep. But, your analogy is full of loopholes and...强词夺理,i just cant find an apt word to describe. "do you think lewis hamilton is the only driver"? yes, he has skills and experience, hes the only one in the driving seat, he has a team behind him, yes i agree, but i guess he missed a point here, most likely omitting details to make his analogy fit his deepest convictions. Does Lewis hamilton not have a team mate? is it not Jenson button? Mclaren has 2 drivers, so to speak, PAP or PM can be lewis hamilton, and WP can be Jenson button, together, we can make this better for Singapore. well yes and u mentioned abt how helpless we are, shifting blame onto globalising forces that seems to potray an inevitable outcome using Lim Swee Say's "FUD", F for Fear, U for Uncertainty, and D for doubt....yes, i think it is just Farked-Up-Discourses! No control over global prices? i beg to differ....Isn't our currency manipulated to appreciate by MAS to cushion the rise in global prices? Are u not regulating the influx of foreigners, are u not increasing the foreign worker level for s pass holders? are u not putting in place cooling measures to dampen rising house prices? Are u not giving out growth dividends to Singaporeans to tide over rising cost of living? Are these not your policies? are these not forms of control???? I would call this SAR, Some Alternative Reflections! S for subsidies, A for Aid and R for regulation! This is how u exert ur power to control to help the people! Pls dun shirk your responsibiilty!

Next, Minister Lui used the poison mushroom analogy. well, nothing new here, still employing crisis discourse to paint a gloomy picture, which over exaggerates and naturalises the worst case scenario as an inevitable eventual outcome if we were to get alternative voices in. In his story titled "Tall trees and wild mushrooms", he described singaporeans as living in a village encompassed by Tall trees that provide shelter, help the people living there in many ways, when after a while, people start to be fascinated by the wild colourful poisonous mushrooms sprouting out of nowhere. Obviously, PAP is the big tree here, the form changes but substance of the argument is still the same. 换汤不换药。Anybody with a sound understanding of botany and biology will noe that there are good mushrooms and bad mushrooms, and that fungi that are present in the soil causes these growths. If we were to say that poisonous mushrooms sprouted alongside these big trees recently, then fundamentally, there must be something with the soils, that even the trees are affected. Moreover, bad mushrooms and good mushrooms grow simultaneously, and not all mushrooms are bad. there are good mushrooms that help to recycle the soil nutrients. I urged PAP candidates to exercise more caution in using analogies to propagate their idea.

P.S i have said my piece and urged Singaporeans to think carefully through and decide who they wanna kee chiu? Kee chiu for PAP or More Checks and Balances?

2011-04-16T23:22:00.001+08:00

the last day of school....it is supposed to hold some significance, but strangely, it just felt like any other day to me....neither sad, nor happy, just no feelings...well i cant believe 3 years whizzed pass, and here i am bidding goodbye....well...i guess i'll definitely miss this place, meeting frens for lunch, rushing between places, attending lectures, mugging at the library....sitting at deck with a bunch of frens chatting and well, looking at girls...haha...something that i would definitely miss....

brings me back to the time in semester 1.....man, and yea, i dunno y, but i saw u on the last day of sch....u definitely saw me, i m sure u did, we exchanged glances briefly, and i guess u spotted me first, walking towards u, and u the other direction....but u simply looked away, as i held my glance....

was it intentional? or was i thinking too much? it seems to me that u purposely avoided me....i dunno....3 years....that was 3 years ago....i m not sure if u remember me, but i always feel that u do....but well, although not the way i would like to be remembered, but at the very least, i still made an impression...

i tot i really got over that, but i just felt lousy after that encounter....y? i din do anything drastic, but perhaps i came on too strongly, too creepy? but nevertheless, u were still the one i first set eyes on...i never mustered the courage to talk to u after that incident, u always looked nonchalant, cold, unfriendly....that i m sure i would be at a loss for words if i were to approach u....

yep definitely, my frens still tease me abt that....but i myself had a good laugh too, at my stupidity....maybe as u guys said, i lacked the guts...well, true....i cant agree more...haha...and i guess u guys noe me better than i do....my taste....even i din realise until u all pointed out....

it has become part of my university memory. although i never would be able to talk to u, get to noe u, it is a beautiful memory since it leaves me with a lot of possibilities... back then, i even imagined how u would look like when u were old, the wrinkles, saggy skin...so clear.... the what ifs...and it is this that may carry me on further and enrich my experience...

i happened to come across this actress that really looked like u...so it really reminded me alot of things....thinking back, i was ignorant of a lot of things....and i know that i let slipped many chances, too indecisive along the way...made many mistakes...i still remember the time that i talked to u...every sentence, every word, your smile...perhaps u set the standard too high, that i subconsciously compared to, that subsequently i tried to rekindle that feeling u gave me....that made me oblivious to many things and other ppl who had came along....

2011-04-14T00:40:00.001+08:00

someone said to me that sg girls are immature....well, i m prolly gonna get slammed by ultra feminists....to make this sweeping statement is simply suicidal and i used to abhor adopting that kinda thinking....but i guess ppl do change their views and will still have to write on....based on wat i see and my experience....well, initially i was not very comfortable with this statement, since this is really over generalising and a tad too offensive...but it seems to me the case....i know of some girls who are onli in their own world, oblivious to wats happening around u! the way u carry yourself, the things u talk about....it jus tells me how much substance you have up inside your thick skull....truth to be said, this is not a bashing entry, but just what i feel....i was told that sg girls are simply too immature or shld i say materialistic? their area of concern always revolve about themeselves, ME, Myself and I, wateva that is happening to them and they complain make a big hooha out of a small issue....i just cant stand bimbos....oh wait....bimbo don't apply to u....cos technically you are not pretty, so i guess you are just plain dumb....

elections are round the corner, ppl are dying in japan becos of the radiation, Obama's re-election, rising inflation, all this hot button issues, u r so ignorant, and just so happy that government's giving u money to spent huh...well, more branded bags, cosmetics, holidays for u.....

sometimes i just cant stand it when u mindlessly talk about super mundane stuff that normal ppl wont give a damn...who cares whether you have cut ur hair long or short, dyed it blue or red....nobody cares whether u broke a toenail or have dry skin.....i say fuck that....shut the fuck up, go get a life....theres more to life than just all these things.....stupid, i hate intellectually challenged women like u....stop trying to act like you know alot of things with your less then capable command of language....your supposedly deep thoughts and meaningful words are just plain shallow....

seeing u, hearing u talk, just irks me, one more second hearing u just gonna make me dumber, farking dumbass, materialistc naive bitch....u can go get buried alive with your cosmetics, hair dye and stupid birthday wishlists...as if anybody gonna care....

2011-04-10T02:33:00.000+08:00

i m grappling with this urge to lock up my blog....it seems that i have been getting lotsa attention, as seen from that amount of activity on my tagboard....well, i guess it has come to a point of liminality...this space here....i dunno..who are these ppl posting? spam? how the hell did i have so many ppl...well, i dunno who else even reads all my shit....i m so tempted to lock up this blog, right now i have compelling reasons to do so...to fix the traffic in my tagbox...ohh and i mean if theres someone out there who still reads my shit but whom i m not aware of and wants to continue doing so may drop me a msg and i can include on the invite list....duhz...off to bed!

2011-04-03T01:14:00.001+08:00

i was looking forward to catch singapore's first political forum on tv. Much to my dismay, my interest waned as it got more meaningless and it was lacking in depth. the hour long programme was just way too short to engage in any meaningful discussions. there were simply too many topics, too many speakers but too little time. it would be better if this programme was made a weekly affair, with each week touching on a hot topic.

PAP was represented by our finance minister tharman, and bishan-toa payoh mp josephine teo. credit must be given to tharman for pointing out that Dr Vincent citing Singapore's standard of living equal to Russia as not true, since we have easy access to many amenities and services. that i cant agree more. and yes, it is true from statistics that our unemployment has gone down to 2.1 percent, despite the influx of foreigners, but we are missing a point here, what is the proportion of jobs that went to native singaporeans and PRs?

To the point of mentioning our high median income in comparison with countries like USA and Japan is a distorted misrepresentation. How much has our real median income rose in the past decade in relation to inflation? would this not be a better reflection of our cost of living since the median income itself does not serve an intrinsic value but rather a functional value in how much we can consume.

And to Josephine teo, who mentioned that we are all actors in the Singapore story. this i have to disagree with you, how are we being the actors if we do not have a say in the decision making policies of the government? and the point that you mentioned that there will always be rich and poor in a society? that i have to agree, but this wasn't what our PM said. He said that the poor would not be left behind! so to speak, u were trying to say that the rich and poor is inevitable and being seemingly natural, there is nothing we can do? but isn't this a contradiction to wat PM said?

my whole family was following the programme fervently, and some issues cropped up, and there was something that my sister brought up regarding a certain MP that had abused her powers. Being the naive me, i asked her why it was not reported to the public. It dawned on me that all this were subjected to the Official Secrets Act. I googled and read up on it, and found out that the definitions were rather vague and can be manipulated to serve any purpose. Section 5 is about the “wrongful communication…of information”; more precisely it states as an offence the disclosure of information to unauthorised parties. Article 5 (1) (ii), moreover, counts it as an offence when the information is used “in any manner prejudicial to the safety or interests of Singapore”.

the part on the interests of singapore is extremely vague here. wat constitutes singapore's interest? is it the pap? the public interest? unauthorised parties? my friend? the media? such a vague act serves to allow manipulation and perverting the course of accountability and transparency. Plus the fact that ther is no Whistle blowing law in singapore to protect the interests of people who tell upon cases of illegal practices and abuse of power.

this is a serious flaw in the law. i felt disgusted when how i was told a particular MP abused her power by threatening and using her MP status to derive privileges. i googled this mp's name to take a good look at how this MP looked like.

to my horror, the search results came up with headlines tat labelled her as a good mp, speaking up on behalf of the public, very popular with the people. i was extremely disgusted by this. to think that such two faced person even had the cheek to do such a thing under the table. it simply irks me, when we are subjected to this stupid Official secrets act and unable to rip off this two faced hypocrite. i can't wait for her to get voted out of parliament. indeed, absolute power corrupts absolutely. Time for a change!

2011-03-30T22:42:00.000+08:00

it was not a fleeting thought...i had talked about it umpteen times, i have dreamed about it countless times, it had been on my mind infinitely, yes, i signed up for the kent ridge ministerial forum next week...i cant believe i actually going alone!!! damn, the first thing on my mind was, what the hell am i gonna wear? t-shirt jeans? sounds too casual....shirt plus pants? abit lazy to iron....but i guess that should it be it...i dun wanna get the limelight for no reason....haha....guess wat, the guest of honour is none other than our very beloved PM....sounds intimidating huh...

well, i guess at that moment when i saw the ad, i was like, goodness, this must be it, i have been lamenting how i haf always missed the previous editions, well, this is my chance and i just gotta take it, no buts, no hesitating, just sign up....and i got the tix.....

holy shit, i have been thinking, maybe i shld do something crazy....like how the NTU guy questioned SM Goh, totally caught him offguard posing such a tough question....i was picturing that moment in my mind, when i take to the mic, loud and clear, silencing the whole audience, moments of utter silence, seconds of divine astonishment and....okie....i m thinking too much....i'll have to listen to how it goes, and prolly something may urge me to stand up and ask!

i m seriously considering that, not so much as to garner media attention, but just to seek the answers to my questions....i dunno how it will turn out, but right now, on hearing and seeing, it seems rather intimidating, and i m just afraid of asking politically taboo questions to satisfy my naive curiosity....am i m gonna get black marked? am i gonna get arrested by the ISA, a million questions just zipped passed without a definite answer....or maybe i shld just keep my mouth shut and act stupid....but i m not that bright in the first place...wateva that is, i guess, it would be an eye opener for me! good luck!

2011-03-25T18:35:00.000+08:00

i am not ruling out the possibility of running for elections one day...i have the passion to serve the people, and, the main thing is, i am very interested in current affairs, and i do follow up closely with what's happening in the local political arena and world events. i wont say that i m very well versed in all of this, but, i just like to be concerned with these issues....i have no idea if i wanna join the opposition or PAP, because my aims are simple, for the betterment of Singapore，没有国哪有家？

my motivation for running for election is also partly driven by disillusionment with the policies by the PAP government, and i take some of the comments by the ministers very seriously. no doubt that singapore has defied all odds and have wonderful achievements, these outstanding results is not merely the efforts of the PAP government...

Singapore is akin to a typical student, while the PAP government is just like the teacher...providing guidance, teaching the student, imparting knowledge, tips on doing well....Singapore, constituting all of PRs, citizens, FTs work hard to produce good results, and this is reflected in our superior economic growth and high ranking in various social, economic indicators....

The often cited discourse of the PAP has been that of emphasizing our vulnerability, our achievements as overcoming the deterministic conditions of our environment, attributing it to the shrewdness of our highly revered MM Lee Kuan Yew, and his team of cabinet ministers playing an important role in the early years.
I feel that this has overstated the achievements of PAP, giving too much credit to the government. You see, a student's achievement is not merely the efforts of the teacher, but also depends on the student itself, his discipline, determination, hard work most of all, his hunger for success...all this, determines whether a student do well...my point here is to bring out the idea that external factors such as the teacher's guidance may be important, but the internal intrinsic characteristics of the student is as important, and that the PAP's achievements has been glorified by the media, been reinforced by the Singapore story and western portrayal of Singapore's biculture and mix of authoritarianism and Asian Values....

What i mean that, PAP is a good government, but just to the extend of providing good guidance and conducive environment, which the student responds well....ultimately, it is still very dependent on the student to produce the good results....while it has been often cited that our education policy is very successful, producing many highly educated people, but there are still many of those who were let down by these, the dropouts, those not performing....if the teacher was the factor of success, then there should not be any underperformers....so to speak, we need to see beyond the normal discourses, look at counter discourses that allow us to reveal the symptomatic silences within this framework, gaining an insightful perspective in order to make a better decision in this coming GE.

so to speak, a very clever teacher, with the relevant qualifications, doctorate or masters, may not make a better teacher than another with inferior qualifications, since the qualifications is merely a measure of potential for greater success...professors may not be as good in their delivery of lessons, imparting knowledge just based on the fact that they are more knowledgeable, it is the intrinsic characteristics of one to inspire and influence that is crucial. it therefore irks me to hear of the media emphasizing the qualifications of the various PAP candidates, "high flyer", " degrees from cambridge, stanford", "doctorate, professor", "director, of....CEO of...." Apropos to this, it makes me question whether there is a direct link with educational and personal achievements as a determining factor of their ability to serve the people.... up till now, there was this comment made by the SMRT CEO Saw Phaik Hwa, who said that our trains are not crowded, having not hit the regulated capacity of 1600, and that it is the people who made the choice of not boarding....which i felt was rather insensitive since she prolly does not take the mrt at all, how could she relate to the commuters? Singapore's often cited meritocracy, is just a veiled euphemism for elitism, clearly a tension with the political agenda of serving the masses....

perhaps the method of forging an "identity" should not come from a top down approach, instituted by the HDB block quota policy, or the Group Representation Constituency system, but a bottom up approach, we should be thinking of how we can foster racial interaction at the local level, so as to create this "Singaporean identity", and exploring alternative ways of boosting the national birth rates, since government instituted incentives have not been successful, we could perhaps look at how we could improve the lives of the people, not in terms of material achievement of higher wages....

Boa - Valenti

2011-02-25T00:43:00.000+08:00

somehow today this song just came from the back of my head....yea....facing a dilemma here, somehow this song, just seemed to depict my feelings, not in terms of the lyrics,...feeling vexed, frustrated, undecided, lost....a potpourri of mixed feelings....

like they sae, i m standing right at the Y junction of 2 roads...both roads are unknown to me, it is dark, there are no streetlights to see the path....is it a straight road? winding? long? short? smooth? bumpy? uncertainty looms ahead....and i noe i haf gotta make a decision....shld i be adventurous and try or shld i be conservative and adopt a wait and see attitude to see wat comes along?

this will be a major decision that will really dictate my life from now on....as i thought over this on the journey back home, this song kept playing and repeating....the feeling, jus like my mind....messy....i haf to agree that rite now i m very indecisive, since i do not know wat are my options, wat lies ahead.....i thought i had a clear path in mind, but now it seems the alternative is ever so beckoning....

it is not difficult to make a decision...but whether can i follow up on that decision and press on? there are risks involve, thats y i need to weigh them and determine my appetite for risk...well, actually i m not really bothered abt being bankrupt or losing money, i mean, no venture no gain right, will jus take it as an experience, but i m not willing to risk the law and regret after that....cos it will really be game over....but then again, it is not all, and it is rather rewarding in a sense not just in monetary terms....

it shld be safe if i stick to the game plan, well, it is just for a year, i could use it to build up my portfolio, but my first choice is like a rare opportunity and given the break, i'll definitely have no qualms taking it....it is a matter of timing, since i m pressed, if onli i could have more time?????

2011-02-23T22:21:00.000+08:00

你说

你说眼睛是心灵的窗户

朦胧的内心世界依然不变

梦骗了似水流年

昨日还在狠狠践踏着

当爱已勾芡

早已唤不回那爱的食欲

幸福限于这一生

快乐根本躲不过一世

真爱能超越什么

怡然想起了永远

本是明见确切

后来思潮起伏

分不出哪一个是精选

失得叹息在所难免

你说我们的合照没几张

但已就足够我辗转

不敢对你太大指望

眼泪竟不听使唤

做你永久的敌人

胜于打不开你的心门

你从来不肯认真

那些时光

不愿再欺骗自己

并不想象中那么容易

一切都不理所当然

这样的结局谁会想要

this was conceived before chinese new year, but then it seemed that i came to a bottleneck, but nevertheless still managed to pen this, prolly abit hazy in the conveyed meaning, but that seems to be the case as i wrote this...

2011-02-11T23:34:00.000+08:00

it was a pleasant surprise....i m like shocked, happy, elated....yea it definitely warmed me up to receive bdae greetings from u....i really liked the card, and the fact that u even spent the effort to make it, makes me feel so specisl and honoured to be ur fren and to have known u.....the only regret is not knowing u earlier ...lemme recall....i know u thru yaeji.........it was a dinner at Chang's restaurant, my first impression of u was not very good...cos u were rather picky with food...u wont eat the food that i got for all of us....or rather i thought u were a difficult person...u din like spicy stuff, u din like to try new stuff, and u onli wanted dumplings....

well, my impression of u was not that good in the first place, plus the fact that u were rather quiet thru out the dinner, u kept ur head low and stick to talking to johnnie, yaeji and mico...i was quite surprised when u added me on fb...i guess that was how it all started, how i got to know u better...

the memorable moments when we mugged so hard together with the others in the library....we had so much fun....we even had johnnie bring his entire pot of sago dessert to the library to satisfy our late night hunger pangs...not to mention ur carton of mountain dew....ahhh, better cut down on carbonated drinks....and yea...i had the most delicious sushi in the states during one of the mugging nights in the library....

come to think of it....i cant imagine myself mugging frm like 9pm to 7am the next morning without ur company....it was a tough period, but was the most memorable for me....without u guys, it would have been so boring....u noe i counted that we onli met like in mid april....and it was onli weeks, but we were like old friends, and i mus sae that i shared more memories than i ever had even with my grp of singaporean friends....reminds me of the fun times....we studied till late....then we went to grab some chips and went over to ur place to watch harry potter till morning....

i remembered that u insisted on walking me back to my dorm....u joked that u could protect me with ur karate...hahaha...but i m army trained! remember us hanging out during spring weekend...it was a weekend of mayhem but i really did enjoy myself with all that partying and mak si ja with u guys!

it really do feel like it happened not long ago, teaching u guys how to play yanif at the stone benches....and saw how mico kept losing....then there was xlot, celeron aww i guess i horrified u guys when i got drunk...and yea...there was also the farewell and celebrations after exams....the get together at squid's room....that was really the night i truly thought was my american experience....had so much....took so many pictures.....i cant imagined we even laid in a straight line on the road in the wee hours of the morning....to think that u even held me back when i wanted to jump into the lake!

to think that u guys made that effort to wake up early in the morning to haf breakfast with us and send us off....i was really touched....well i remembered clearly it was pouring heavily that morning...i even said that it was heaven's tears and reluctance of us leaving....hahah...and i was very very happy to see u guys back in new york....even though it was onli for a short day, it was really sweet of u guys to travel by train down to new york from connecticut to see us and back by train at night....

u guys walked manhattan with me, strolled chinatown with me, ate singapore food with me, and sang karaoke at korean town...i could still picture that....

i barely knew u for like a month, but we were like bosom friends, and to think that our paths crossed....out of the 6billion ppl on earth, and u noe that even though u are far away across the ocean, i still do think of the memories we had....thank u!

2011-02-06T11:55:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year was supposed to be a joyous and happy event....Friends, relatives gather for a reunion and catch up with one another and enjoy a day of fun...but sad to say that things were not meant to turn out as rosy...

this shall be a post to rant.....a potpourri of emotions....pissed....heck-care....dulan....perplexed...u name it....u guys ask me to chill...yea...but cos u guys just cant be bothered...i thought it was a matter of etiquette....if u guys don't think it is a big deal, den there is nothing i can sae....call me petty or oversensitive....wateva....

first case....it was agreed upon initially....and smses were sent out to extend the invitation....i thought it was rather polite and an obligation out of courtesy to reply if they were attending....but then....everyone din even bother to lift their fingers and spent that few seconds of their farking precious time to inform....

nevermind that....since there was no reply....being understanding...and thinking that ppl may haf been busy with house visiting and forgot to reply....direct calls were made instead...but still...it made me very pissed that my time was wasted....right at the start, u could have just said that u had something on...instead of giving me lame reasons...well, if u had wanted to belittle my intelligence, den u shld haf tried to be more convincing, instead of letting me see through it....at the end of the day...the answer i got was still vague....and it definitely piss me off big time!

y cant ppl just gif a definite answer...yes or no??? simple as that....if yes...everything goes as planned...but if no...then it is okie..so be it....but some ppl just like to let things hang there and wait till the last min....u noe the world does not revolve around u....and the onli reason that i can account for this is that....u are just waiting for a better plan to come along b4 u would decide...well...the saying goes never make others ur priority if u were second choice....i hate it if it was for this reason....pls dun make ppl a second choice...that is very selfish....and for some reason, i m rather pissed when some ppl just die die dun wanna call the person to inform the person of any changes or ask any questions when the person is not replying u for quite some time....y is it so difficult to make a call? wont that save more time? i jus find these ppl really weird....wats the use of ur cellphone if u are not using it to become more contactable and save time....

2011-01-17T20:58:00.000+08:00

damn....my latest addiction is penning lyrics...okay...abit bhb...but somehow i just very much like it....it is a very good avenue to express myself and also make good use of language!!!! i love chinese!!!! the bestest language that i ever learnt...yeah...it is a pity chinese is so not appreciated now...but i believe it will....prolly in the next 50 years.... so much can be expressed with so little....

i hate it when ppl say that chinese is difficult to study and boring, they often cite reasons such as the difficult spelling, dictation and complicated strokes to learn...u ppl find it difficult becos u guys apply the same method of learning english to learning chinese....

unlike english which has a fixed number of 26 alphabets, chinese does not have, but it has specific parts of the word that u can roughly decipher the meaning and pronounciation....learning chinese is not like english, where u memorise the spelling of that particular word and meaning....of course if u apply this method to chinese it definitely is not gonna work....and of course it is difficult, as i said there is not fixed number of characters like english and with that number of permutations, words run into hundreds of thousands complicated by the fact that the same pronunciation has different writings of the word form....

so in any case by memorising, of course chinese is difficult and boring....it just takes away the beauty of the language....chinese have to be learnt on its own, and by this i mean that not using english to learn it...which i believe is the way to master other languages.... the beauty in chinese is its figurative expressions, i must say chinese embodied in its poems and verses are rather romantic if u really can appreciate it....

language is dynamic, there are many ways to master it, ppl just have to adopt the way that best suits them....i m glad i found my own way to learn it....and i very much enjoy it...if i were to recall, the way i learned was through watching chinese dramas...watching the way ppl speak and enunciate definitely is a more interactive and engaging way than just reading books....the next way is through listening to chinese songs....song lyrics although may not be the correcct form or usage of the language, but lyrics are concise in the first place, so it trains someone to make use of their vocabularly to write short yet understandable verses...and plus the fact that lyrics are written in such a way that it is creative and has a language of its own....u gotta invent new and creative expressions that retain the meaning that u are trying to express and also make it sound innovative and creative....

i wun say that i m very good at it....but just for the simple reason that i like the language that keeps me going and wanna learn.....the poems of tang and from 诗经 really fascinates me....trust me....if u really try to appreciate, u will be awed and amazed by the beauty of the language....

i noe through reading, ur language will definitely improve...but just too bad that that is the thing i hate doing, and to tell the truth, the number of chinese books that i have read....i can probably count with my fingers....sad to say that classics like romance of the 3 kingdoms, water margin i have never read them b4... i love chinese and i have even thoughts about majoring in it....but it is not enuff for me to overcome the thing i hate the most....to read!!! thats y i noe that i can never do chinese as a major...cos i noe that i wun do well....so i guess my appreciation is confined to leisurely attainments...

it is thru these songs that really intrigued me...i cant help but marvel at how lyricists like fang wen shan or lin xi can breathe life to the music and i m trying to emulate them....partly it is my love for learning the language and oso an avenue to pen down my thoughts, to remember certain memorable events....okay....actually i haf this thought....for every girl that had an impact on me, i would write something abt her to remember the things she did and anything abt her....but they wont noe....or they probably know but i wun tell them...

the state of mind when writing is more of reminiscing rather than being sad and emotional....i lament the fact that i m not really musically incline to compose music, i could only do it in my own unproductive way by recording down random inspiration....and hoping that some day either i do it myself or meet a person who could make all this come true!

2011-01-10T22:18:00.000+08:00

i m totally clueless at this point of time....much like 3 years ago when i first got into university....i was really happy and contented at that time to have made it and i thought it was the end of the road....but sadly 3 years down the road, on the verge of completing a bachelor's i m here again smack right at the cross roads mulling over what path should i take

it is easy to say a lot of things, i can research over the internet yes, read up books yes....but there are certain things that needs advice from some mentor or elder...i haf a lot of questions, some worries , a few options at the moment, and an unfulfilled dream that is becoming increasingly distant....

there is definitely someone out there who can answer all my questions...yes there is, but i have no way to know...i can only listen to my peers, get advice from my family and think it through on my own...i m not gonna give up on what i envision and i know it would not be an easy path judging from the current situation but given the opportunity i would take it...

3 years ago i make a mistake, a grave mistake that would shape the next phase of my life, something which i deeply regret but have no control but only to surmount all these....i sacrificed my happiness...maybe too strong a word but i can feel it very strongly and i do not want to make any more mistakes...maybe it is a bit too late, but dun they always say better late than never? i hope i can get pass all this...

2011-01-05T12:25:00.000+08:00

下一站，幸福。第一眼看过去，给人的感觉就像以往老掉牙的偶像剧。那种爱来爱去，爱到死去活来，第三第四者的多角恋。开始时，情节虽然很“偶像剧”男方有钱有势，风流倜傥，女方令人有怜悯之心，身事惨淡，双亲已故，寄人篱下，但后来的故事却是触动人心，一段刻骨铭心的爱情故事。

我看了前面4集，觉得不怎么样，不就是男方和同学打赌追求女方，接着就坠入爱河，然后就遇上阻碍，父母的反对，中间又来第三者。这种桥段实在太陈旧了。

不过幸好我继续看下去。因为预告短片中的情节吸引了我，看见这对恋人和一个可爱的男生玩，应该是他们的孩子吧。那故事的发展却又和这个情节不搭，才引起我的兴趣。没想到后来却是上瘾了，两天之内把20集看完。

下一站，幸福里有很多催泪的情节。就有那么一幕，我知道情节，也有心里准备，毕竟，分离的场面多是哭的稀里哗啦，但是当时我看了真的有感动到。那小男生是在太可爱了。我想这部戏里，我最喜欢的角色不是男女主角，而是那个小男生和默默守候女主角的人。我无法苟同女主角的爱情观。这样的人恐怕只活在戏里。有时候看男主角，他的个性跟我有点相似，他做的事，那个心路我都能体会。

不知道为什么，我喜欢这部戏但是对男女主角没什么好感。安以轩和Vanness 不是很讨我的欢心。这部戏里有很多情节都是我很喜欢的。我想爱情如果有所顾忌又少了那份冲动，那么那就不是爱了，会变得很乏味，因为爱是不合情的，不能就应爱而仿效爱的形式去做，而是要发自内心做出出乎一般的事。一段感情，如何定夺是否刻骨铭心，不在于长短，而是永不难忘的时刻。我在这部剧中看到了这些，当中有一幕，令我分常难望。那一幕是默默守候女主角安以轩的人，拓也在知道安以轩背叛他后的心里话。

就让我相信，他们之间就是少了那些难忘的时刻，默默守候着不一定能让对方了解，没有刻骨铭心，出乎一般的时刻。尽管拓也守候着却是徒劳的毕竟爱情是一种感觉，所付出的并不能用一般的尺码来衡量。

这部戏真的非常好，哈哈，之前都不怎么看偶像剧，强力推荐。

2011-01-01T12:07:00.000+08:00

Capricorn Year 2011 Overview

'Change' is your middle name at this point, Capricorn. You've been through more personal transformation in the past two years than perhaps in your entire life. The upside is that you're getting used to the intensity of it all. It helps that you're realizing the futility in holding on to people and possessions that only stunt your growth. So many layers continue to be shed on a daily basis but this also gives way to unquestionable personal power. Pluto in Capricorn will carry on for another 14 years; so if this is just the tip of the iceberg, imagine who you will be on the other side of your metamorphosis.

This year the focus shifts from a lifestyle focused on gadgets, information and social networking to introspection, home and family. You are about to encounter your most uncensored raw self on levels as of yet unprecedented. Ready yourself, Goat, because this spring an explosion of fiery planets in Aries sweeps the very base of your horoscope getting you back in touch with some of your most primal instincts. Competition, aggression and the need for plenty of physical outlets ensue.

Some long-standing money issues are finally coming to a finish as the planet of illusion and delusion gets ready to move on to your communication sector. You've learned to use your discrimination in choosing where to invest and where to spend. For the next 14 years, instead of worrying about money leakages you'll be working on mindfulness to avoid spacing out. In any case, your way with words is apt to become poetic and inspired, which can only make the world appear infinitely more beautiful.

came across this on the web and found it unbelievably accurate....for some parts....haha....one of the rare ocassions that i believe in horoscope...

2010-12-24T02:52:00.001+08:00

在你走后我想对你说
那些哄你开心的话是真的
那时不说也吧
时间早已失信于我
失落还比失望难诠释
这样的结局
我已不能给你拥抱
至今多少个再见已逝
现在是种奢侈
我们的回忆注定变成往事
我不想去知道未来
只怕会减少对你的思念
不能忘记每日毕事
你会不会和我一样
偶尔想起我们微微笑
手机里你的电话
已成为历史
我还活在照片的故事
那是固执还是感伤
我可以选择吗
在你走后失去你
才知道你真的走了
是我阻止自己
却敌不过刻骨铭心
什么都不必再说
失落比失望难诠释

心血来潮，突然觉得很有feel，所以就试试看。好想尽快写一首曲给这词。嗨，第一次创作，不知道创作的形式，只能靠自己去摸索。是先写曲再填词，还是填词后才写曲？记得上一次创作，到现在差不多也是这个时候，哇，整整一年了吧？那个创作是先有曲再有词。同样的，写歌的理由都一样，都是写自己的故事，经历。想纪念这个人，让我有所领悟。希望下一次能给你演奏这首歌。

这两个人都让我痴，迷，醉。至今依旧痛彻心扉。真的没想到能那么容易填词。他们说写歌就像说一个故事，我想因为亲身体会所以能写出吧。好啦，时间不早了，该就寝了，明天再努力。加油！

2010-12-22T00:12:00.000+08:00

一直到昨夜我依旧非常镇定。和以往大不相同，少了那种焦虑，忐忑不安的心情，可以说是心如止水。直到翌日便是如此，但在那一霎那，一直不敢相信自己所见。就有那么一丝怅然自失。有时候天就是不尽如人意。尽管能做的都做了，但还是徒劳。

我在想我到底真的尽了全力？为什么会是如此惨淡？好久都没有答案。后来到水池旁的公园跑步宣泄。跑着跑风飕飗抬头瞄了一眼，乍看之下，就要下起滂沱大雨。还未锻炼好就要结束，真是天不作美。

放眼一望，天边竟露出红黄的色彩，此景朱霞烂漫实在太传神了，半边乌云密布竟是难以媲美，真是天壤之别。须臾之间，先前的问句再度浮现，但答案却历历在目。

原来我所追求的近在咫尺。这场雨下的正是时候，天边的晚霞亦是如此。人生就像跑步，一路上会遇上崎岖的的道路，会遇上很多零碎的杂物，石头，枝叶等等。人生坎坷的路途不仅仅只有这些绊脚石，挫折，小人。这途中还要经得起惊涛骇浪，暴风雨的洗礼。风飕飗，树上枝叶纷纷飞窜而逃，固然是山雨欲来风满楼。

仔细一看，乌云漂浮的方向正冲着我来，但瞧见天的另一边竟是旭日东升。这时雨滴已迫不及待。我想我也该认命了，既然老天不留情面，就应停止。如果不停止，和这场雨撞上，恐怕就要变成落汤鸡。这就是所谓的命运，是由天主宰。当时我第一个反应便是听天由命，不过最后我并没有顺天而行，反而坚持下去，立志要到达旭日东升的那一边。因为我相信这场雨会是场细雨，很快就会雨过天晴。

果然这场雨是短暂的，雨滴徐徐地减少。我在熬过这场雨的途中，之前苦思冥想的问题找到答案。其实说不上是什么答案，但至少是一个启示。人生不过数十载，什么困难挫折哪怕是最棘手，什么惊涛骇浪，澎湃波浪，都会有转折，不过是过眼云烟，必能否极泰来。这推翻了之前所深信的非存在主义。

倘若我没有坚持，也未能达成目标。人生道路固然坎坷，崎岖，但只要理性分析斟酌，加上一颗坚定不移的决心，必定能雨后春笋。有时候，事情并非想象中恶劣，危机便是转机，就要看自己是否经得起考验。相信人是能主宰某些事物，绝非任由天做主。

换个角度来说，当时面对这样的局势，也能有另一个理解。这逆境之中寓意着徒劳无功的意思，纵然天边旭日东升给予一丝希望，也是遥不可及。人必定胜不过天，难以违抗天命。
那么就应该顺其自然，放弃追求的欲望。

2010-12-16T11:10:00.000+08:00

it was just meant to be a simple sent off....not in my wildest dream to see her there...well, and mr hy din even tell me about it too....well i guess he tot things haf ended rather long ago and that there was no hard feelings....indeed, i was quite suprised to meet her there, she was there too...well, fate is playing a joke on me, not someone that i wun wanna see...

no hard feelings, but it just feels weird seeing u again, just felt like getting away, another ,moment, another minute of conversing, another second just seemed like eternity...i dun even dare look at u in the eye, thats how bad it was....perhaps the feeling was mutual....

seeing u just reminded me of something, not abt u, but wat did ur best friend said, something which did not really go down very well with me, and it has been deeply etched in my mind...deeply aghast at wat someone who is sensible and with such high educational status would mouth this...seriously, it just goes to show how dumb u are at judging ppl....seriously, cant imagine u mouthing that of me...

totally a hypocrite, it just disgusts me to haf said hello and chatted wif u in school, sorrie, i admit i m petty here, i cant stomach that....seriously, i wun even bother to smile or say hi to u if i see u again...i hope i dun even...burn u bitch!

okie sorrie, a bit harsh on the words, but i guess this should be it...neither friends nor enemies, thats how it should be, it just feels so awkward, cant describe the feelings so familliar yet so distant....wateva the case, bon voyage to my fren!

2010-12-10T23:26:00.000+08:00

i came across an article in the straits times today....and also another while reading temasek review....it was about the same topic...just that the latter was a response to the former....the straits time article read " will mah lose votes over rising prices? and "straits time worried that mah bow tan will lose votes"....well well, it was very interesting indeed....

u noe election is jus round the corner....u can prolly see more walkabouts and more media attention....suddenly all this mps and opposition are popping out from nowhere...wow...as though they came out from hibernation...

haha, the straits times article seems to be a critical article, but on further reading it was merely trying to garner votes for mr mah, whose position has been rather shaky lately due to his insensitive remarks and insistence that HDB flats remain affordable for singaporeans....well, it prolly din go down well wif a lot of ppl, and i haf to say i disagree with him....not to be disrespectful, HDB has done an excellent job for the past few decades in providing low cost affordable housing for many singaporeans....its role in nation builiding is immense, that i cant deny....

but unfortunately, the recent spate of events has cast a different light on him, and i think that u cant blame him too much about rising HDB flats, especially when the economy is doing so well, everyone has some spare cash, coupled with the increase in immigration, the influx of foreigners together with land scarcity has definitely compounded and accentuated the problem....

so it is definitely good that rising prices are being monitored and curtailed with the recent implementations and it seems to work now, and yea but....that is merely on the demand side....curtailing and cooling the market is just one sided...wat about the supply side? there are still so many singaporeans, especially young couples still queing up for BTO flats, and chances are they will not be able to get it anytime soon....my sis was complaining how difficult it is to get one and yea, cooling demand may haf a dampening effect, but it does not fulfil its initial aims of providing good housing for its people when so many still cant get one, wat good is it then...so pls stop glorifiying his past achievements and saying how difficult is his job...ur performance mus match up to ur salary u are drawing....

i was especially pissed when lim hwee hua said that it is difficult to predict future trends and plan policies....i mean u are just saying that u are as clueless as us ordinary singaporeans....we pay u the stars to do this job to formulate policies and make our lives better, but now u are telling us u are clueless, definitely not something nice to hear....

and the opposition? yea we know tampines has the highest percentage of malay residents here, but tangling the carrot of providing a malay opposition mp in parliament is definitely not gonna work....this is singapore, we function on meritocracy, although i m more comfortable with eltist meritocracy, but this is prolly like taking a big step backward in politics, just like how malaysia governs by their commmunal based politics, and looking at their track record, it is definitely not working well, and they have even tried to move away from racial based politics with the pakatan rakyat led by anwar and najib's 1malaysia plan....well it is easy to panter to the people's demands and connect with them by championing some politically advantageous policies.....but how r we gonna fund the increase in subisidy payments for HDB flats? proposing a minimum wage may be attractive, but it is definitely not gonna help the poor intended in the first place, since this would just deter companies from hiring locals, and min wage would just increase costs, while prices would just increase.....definitely a no-no.....the opposition definitely needs to come up with better policies that is intuitive, sound and tackles the real issues and not just pantering to voters needs, giving out unrealistic promises, trying to win as many votes as possible and not solving the real issues....

2010-12-09T00:24:00.000+08:00

时间，空间的束缚既能淡化思念，也能慢慢让一个人释怀吗？我想岁月是禁不起太长的等待。那一瞬间，我开始懂了。你的埋怨，以往你无数的问题，当时令我百思费解，根本不当一回事。或许人都是在险境中才会大彻大悟，一切都来不及了。如今竟是如梦初醒，无奈送君千里终须一别，我这时才回过神来。

临别一幕，眼见你悄悄离去，我才发现你真的走了。这感觉不是滋味，心中狠狠压抑着。你说后会有期，但何年何月能重逢呢？那未知的未来令我非常难安。时光已逝永不回，往事只能回味，看着你给我的回忆，我会好好珍惜。

听到你过得比以前更好，我也为你开心。这一切也应告一段落。理应告一段落，毕竟我们是两个世界的人，电视剧里奢华浮夸的剧情只能让人幻想奢望。我还想如果有一天能在见到你，我一定不会再有遗憾，只可惜山在人在，情却变质了。

我曾经暗示你，但你却否定我，故以为我在开玩笑。我知道当我发现自己的感受后，已经太迟了。或许这遗憾比你离去还大些。我恨我自己为什么不对自己坦，当你离去我才发现你在我心里的地位。

我曾今誓言不再重倒覆辙，但现在竟是如此，都由我一个人承担。痴和怨由不得我。

2010-12-08T12:17:00.000+08:00

damn it....i was just a little away from succeeding....haiz.....the first one turned out okay, except that the oil was probably not that hot enuff....it was crispy on the outside but it was still soft inside, and i guess the next time i haf to squeeze out all the excess air becos it forms on the surface when i fry it....

i needa better guage the oil temp....okay....first attempt fail....i will revise the steps again...

2010-12-06T00:43:00.000+08:00

it has been a long while since i last stepped in....now i m at a loss for words...exams ended, hols are here, jus moved back to newly renovated house....it feels great to have my own room, the past sem has been laborious, definitely much tougher than i had expected, but having come this way, i cant ask for much, now that it has come to this phase, it is prolly time to mull over my plans for the future....i guess as one gets older, one gets closer to the ability to fulfil ones dreams....but at the same time, this dream also becomes more and more distant, and we just have to adjust our standards and do with wat we haf....

getting a salaried job is definitely not on my mind, the dictum holds much water" don't just make money, u must use money to make more money" i guess a 9-5 salaried job won't accomplish anything, and even if its the CEO or COO level, its gotta take another 2-3 decades, and thats not gonna be helpful....

i m thinking of something, and i think i should give it a try, if not, i wont know if i would succeed, besides, i m still young and with no worries or dependants, okie, there are my parents, but right now they are still able to work, and this is prolly the onli chance....enuff said...put pen to paper, words into actions!

2010-09-27T18:48:00.000+08:00

my gawd! this space is getting obsolete...y haf i not been coming here more often!? Am i growing outta of blogging? perhaps i may be....it used to be an avenue to proliferate my thoughts...finding a solution, a place to vent it all out...

then again, this space jus dun feel like wat it used to be at all...i think i found a new solution to my problems....i guess when ppl sae action speaks louder than words, i think my words here reflect a certain mental weakness and naivety...less words and more action....i used to think of words and actions as a dichotmy, but in reality, it goes in tandem....haf i reach a level of maturity that i have not realised?

these days, my mind has been about bread and butter issues....everything is about conjuring money! at this age, it is very important, and one definitely needs to think into the future, for this is such of the real world! only money talks! throw out the ideals, abandon the principles, forsake the dreams once so dear!

i cant help it that i m diverging from my dream path, my goal seems impossible...yea, to say jiayou is easier said than done, cos it does not jus depend on me! well, u can sae i m a pessimistic person, i believe that everything has been arranged by god, my life, the path i take, it is all predestinied....

well yea, some may say that i m in control of my own life and i should strive for my goals BUT, there is this saying in chinese " 天生我才必有用", which means that i live for a reason, everyone lives for a reason...from a philosophical point of view, we ought to learn and understand the very existence of life...find out what are we here for....but then again existentialism challenges this idea and postulates the meaningless of life, that is the idea that there is no meaningful reason for our existence....

my question is....if we do live for a reason....implicitly, our lives are indeed predestinied, and my outlook would not have been pessimistic but recognizing the fact of life.....in any sense, it is to make use of my life and do wat i want....well, monetary attainment seems to be that end in itself, for me i guess....

u could still bring love in the equation....but love is merely a function of money....all girls are GCPs in a sense, and there u haf it! MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!

2010-09-12T13:55:00.000+08:00

last night was the first time i drove the gang for supper...one of those rare chances that i could use the car...yea...sorry for the others who did not have the fuqi....haha...it was great...when i say supper, it is not just abt the eating but rather an end in itself...not so much focused on the eating but rather the casual and laidback atmosphere....and of course meaningful chats and i like dat very much...away from the hustle and bustle of life and sch....not just those mindless small talk about projects, sch work, the weather, how am i doing....

theres definitely more to life than all these...i guess hthts are more of a mutual understanding....u open up to others and of course u expect it to be from the other....prata at jalan kayu was great, not the food, but it is just about the right company....food just complements the experience...

the prata shop's having a thriving business, we wondered how much they made a month....with like 10odd workers...and the food business is definitely lucrative business in singapore....if....i had a wonton mee stall that was to be passed on to me...i would gladly trade the office job for the apron and ladle....hahahha...

10years down the road...what holds for us? 4 of us back at the same place, driving our own cars, each talking abt our succesful career and reminiscing the past? thats the best case scenario....what if....10 years down the road....4 of us end up working at the prata shop...one as the cashier, one as the man flipping the prata, one cleaning the tables and the last one taking orders....hhahah

i realised i haven really given much thought to my future....seriously...i shudder at the thought of it....after schooling for like most of my life...venturing out seems intimidating....too sheltered and free of worries....my life has been a breeze....not like some others....

haiz...although i noe it seems to be a distant dream, i dunno y u kept appearing in my mind...and yea...the other night i dreamed of u....and a tune came to my mind in that dream...i recorded it down the moment i woke up...luckily my hp had a audio record function...and yea..i'll find the time to fill in the lyrics admist the hectic sch schedule...i'll make time for it....defintely...

i guess my SEP experience was fulfilling, i would say it was impactful and there was this other time that i heard tis song on radio which was so famillar...i heard that while i was in usa....it was a very popular song, kept playing on the radio but somehow i din make the effort to find out the name until now...and then, i uncovered more songs that accompanied me during my exchange...different songs marked different periods and feelings when i heard these songs...it was great, the songs brought back flashes in my mind....scenes and moments so vivid and clear....

i guess i was confused..until i heard abt a similar experience....yea i guess i see myself too...something i cant see....and yea...i guess it was a great dinner...coincidentally, the restaurant played all the songs that i heard while i was overseas....and jason derulo's whatcha say made me think of u...

okie...signing off now...i m going york hotel for high tea buffet....cant wait for it!

林慧萍 - 情難枕

2010-08-01T10:22:00.088+08:00

came across this song while watching bai wan da ge xing....really caught my attention, a really beautiful song....okie, i m not emo, i jus like the tune, well and the lyrics is so wonderfully written, like the first 2 lines "如果一切靠缘份,何必痴心爱着一个人", sums up many things, probably the greatest contradiction ever, albeit in terms of chinese values and attitudes towards matters of the heart...when 2 persons are in love, there has to be something in place for it to be everlasting, 缘份。it is very hard to put a parameter what does it entail, as it is attributed to the element of chance and fatalism...destiny, inevitable, are some verbs to this noun, one of many to describe love....

back to the 2 lines i came across...is it trying to say that loving someone develops naturally and is an inevitable feeling, and that if it becomes an effort, then it is not love, on the other hand, love is based on 缘份, and that one shld just let nature take its own course and face anything come what may....

cant help but feel that the 2 lines was made in sacarsm to the much said 缘份。 well, a critic would say that fatalism, and the inevitable is nothing but just conjured and concocted to serve the self denial and encouragement of the defeatist, while the other school of thought bases its beliefs of the will and determination of man...

i cant help agree that these 2 school of thoughts is as longstanding and more complicated than the north-south korea saga.i believe that at certain points of time in our lives, we all adopt one of this beliefs and that our experiences inevitably shape our outlook and decide which school we adopt....

Actually, no matter which school of thought we believe in, we just have to be true to ourselves and not regret what we ought to do and over what has happened...缘份 is the epitome of pessimism, draws it strengths on the inevitability of the will and power of the unknown, this power and unknown is what we call providence...

i hate to attribute everything to providence, but everything that has happened so far seems to be exhibiting this, it seems to me this way...there can never be a way to prove the hypothesis, for this is no scientific experiment. there is simply no way to find out what is wrong, not because we dunno wat are we trying to prove, but what is it to prove....

for now, it seems to me that 缘份 is a fairly reasonable belief to adopt, since it passes on the fault finding on to the power of the unknown with no imaginations and illusions of hypothetical situations...perhaps it is because we are so familiar of this unknown that we do not endeavor to prove this unknown....

Perhaps in time to come, this unknown may soon come to light, and we can truly discuss about 缘份.

2010-07-15T00:20:00.000+08:00

i jus finished watching a very epic tvb drama...it is 大时代, like almost 18 years...the drama is one of tvb's most successful...i rmb bits and pieces of the drama, cos i watched this on channel 8 before when i was young, and some of the scenes were deeply etched in my mind...like the scene in the first episode where ding xie, played by zheng shao qiu committed sucide by jumping off the building wif his 4 sons....mind u, he threw them off one by one before he himself did it....

the story starts by recalling the past, detailing every single event and showing how it eventually led to the present scenario....yeap bits and pieces of the sypnosis came back to me as i watched it again, and i was still very intrigued by it...ding xie reminded me of someone i knew...yeap his character is jus like someone i know....

u noe, the thing abt tvb dramas and particularly in this show is that there are no good guys and bad guys....the show is interesting becos the characters in the show do not merely haf a scripted template of what their character would make them to be, but that it is the events that shape their attitude and in turn reinforces their characters and brings it alive....

this is much in line wif reality,the various events that take place shapes the characters and their attitudes towards life...ding xie, bad as he may seem, killing fang jin xin, but still, wif his set of beliefs of 忠孝仁义, is not an out and out bad guy, at times, i do pity him, but just that he always thinks hes right and delusional, which is rather irritating....

but jus as the ending is typical, of the 好人有好报，坏人会有坏报，不是不报，时辰未到 genre, that good will triumph, is often not the case....and that tvb dramas typically kill everyone at the ending, which is so exasperating, but pointing out that u win some and lose in life....jus like fang zhan bo, who may haf beaten ding xie and avenged his family's deaths, in the end, his wife still died in his arms....all is not a happy ending....

i like tvb dramas as it is more realistic and there are many things to learn from the stories, not like local dramas, which i feel the characters are very stiff and rigid and predictable, thus not reflecting life....and i m really getting sick of the limited genres of dramas they are making, it is all those family-oriented type ones

not that i dislike dramas that promote family ties and kinship, it is jus that, it is too boring and draggy....ever since holland V in 2003, the shows like 心花朵朵开，像握你的手, is uber boring and i m getting sick of this...this is like an overdose of it, and the script writers shld come up wif better scripts....yea, i realised i grew up on tvb dramas, they leave the deepest impact on me, and i rmb drama songs that always comes to mind....singing them effortlessly but not knowing the name of the song nor rmb the drama....haiz....

2010-07-07T19:37:00.001+08:00

数日前和几位友人相约吃饭叙旧。那是我最不想去的约会。怎么说呢？A 小姐前一夜发了个简讯约我出来吃饭。因为和这位A小姐相处的还蛮不错的，所以一口便答应他的邀约。我一直以为当天的约会将会是那一伙人，没想到当天下午，这位A小姐发了个简讯说B君会迟到，把时间延后至傍晚7点。

这是我意想不到的事，为什么B君也会赴约？感觉像是半路杀出个程咬金，几乎不想去赴约。我真的不想见到这个人。真的！认识我的人知道我的个性。朋友是越多越好，多一个人朋友好比多一个敌人。我也是蛮随和的，什么事都是先为别人着想。即使我不喜欢的，大家却喜欢，我都会服从。

像我这样的人应该不会遇上太难搞的人，在难搞我也应该能忍气吞声。在我遇上这个人之前，我都一直把持着这个信念。B君彻底破灭了这个观念。经过那一晚的“意外”，我终于肯定了对这个人的感觉。

我根本不想再见到这个人！起先刚认识他，觉得他人还不错，有自己独特的看法，说话直接，从不拐弯抹角。认识久了以后，我便知晓这人的来历。就好像“周公恐惧流言日，王莽谦恭下士时”。

起初因为一些争执，这个人无法接受，始终看不开，导致他和大伙儿不合。当然，以我的个性，不希望大家闹得如此僵。当时，我们还一同旅游。眼看双方共处一室，一天却说不上3句话。我真的看不下去，叫我袖手旁观，我于心何忍。接下来，所发生的事出乎意料。我以为大家坐下来好好的谈，将一切冤屈和不满倾诉，一切就会像从前一样有说有笑。

大错特错！情况并没有改善反而江河日下。误会反而变本加厉，搞得双方起了口角之争，还闹得B君伤心落泪。真是比但是情节还精彩呢！之后的相处，明眼人一看就知道只是摆摆门面，并没有和好。我知道B君心里还是郁郁寡欢。

接下来的日子，就因为我不想看到大家闹得如此下场，我积极得劝导双方，希望大家和好如初，不计前嫌。B君本来和C君蛮投机的，不过C君后来渐渐疏远，导致B君自己在一旁emo。。。

事过境迁，B君和C君的关系每况愈下，B君的行为也令C君和其他人反感。Ｂ君唯有向身边一些没有那么讨厌他的人倾诉。起初，我是挺可怜Ｂ君的，可能因为性格上的关系才与其他人不和，但是日子久了，相处变越来越难。。

到现在，我根本不想再见到这个人，可以说是蛮糟糕的，我想我应该是如同Ｃ君一伙儿，讨厌Ｂ君，　可能要比任何人更多，因为我们之间的冲突让我非常憎恶这个人。尽管我身边的好友有些还是和他他很好，我不会到处说我们的事，毕竟是我们之间所发生的，不宜到处长张扬。

2010-07-06T17:34:00.000+08:00

u noe sometimes when u try very hard to put across an idea, but that person simply cant get it, and sometimes ppl get a bit too sensitive and misunderstand things and believe wat they think, when it is simply not what it is...i cant help but lament that this is my own blog but i cant just sae what i want freely....well some ppl still dun get it....haiz -_-

2010-07-04T14:49:00.000+08:00

sometimes silence is not gold! Silence at the expense of courtesy is definitely a no-no...isn't it necessary to at least inform if u no longer need any help or have made another arrangement...jus felt damn 贱, like some idiot being played....shame on u...

Luis Suarez Cries After Getting a Red Card Vs Ghana![HD]

2010-07-03T17:47:00.001+08:00

I swear that last night was the most dramatic and epic night! I cant believe Netherlands came from behind to beat Brazil in stoppage time...never! i had expected the match to be a stalemate, cross fingers and hope that lady luck would take netherlands to the semis by sheer luck. I expected it to be on penalties! No one! no one would have predicted the dutch to rise from the ashes after being steamrolled over by a dominating and effcient brazil that kept the famous quadruple dutch attack of sneidjer,van persie,robben,kuyt kicking air in the first half...

i was dumbfounded when robinho scored so early in the game! up till the end of the first half, i was cursing and swearing at every brazil movement shown on the camera...coupled with the jibes and constant suaning from jonathan and datou...i just felt like strangling them!!!!

nevertheless, i still hoped for the best, and prayed hard that Netherlands would score an equaliser and bring the game to extra time! Hola! Netherlands scored a superb winner courtesy of the famed quadruple attack, when robben's corner was wickedly flicked into the centre of the goalmouth for sneidjer to tuck it home....

i went bonkers after that, shouting and jumping about, i bet i woke up his family who were prolly asleep...hahaha...who cares? i was still on tenterhooks as brazil came back really strongly after that goal, and julio cesar even pushed all the way up near the half way line to execute a goal kick...seeing the exasperation and frustration all written on kaka's face, the determination in maicon's eyes...somehow i felt sorry for the brazillians...after all...their hardwork, it was all down to one guy melo, who went from hero to zero after providing that defence splitting pass for robinho's opener and later lost his cool in the 53rd min and got send off for stamping on robben....too bad...ur moment of anger brought brazil down....so ironic, it was just barely a while ago that dunga was so cautious about the constant fouling by Baston on robben that he took him off to prevent him from getting a card....

Still, netherlands had orchestrated a famous upset of the tournament and i m really proud of them! Go Oranje! see in u the finals! After the constant shouting and exertion of energy, we went to eat supper at ponggol nasi lemak....and it was the ghana and uruguay match....

seriously, i was rather reluctant to watch the game....2 inferior sides, not that exciting, but i was really wrong....this was really the game of the tournament...action packed, drama, all down to the final secs of extra time....luis suarez new "hand of god" definitely dethroned Diego Maradona's 1986 effort...haha, and i can only sae 2 words to ghana "suck thumb".

they were definitely the better side, and well, this is football, still the beautiful game, there are always winners and losers...let the anguish and pain be the source of motivation for better performance....although i would love to see ghana progress, uruguay is good too...look at luis suarez reactions...hahaha...really epic!!!!1

tonight's another big match! argentina vs germany and spain vs paraguay.....i would love to see argentina vs spain! so tonight my heart goes out to argentina!!!!!Vamos Argentina!!!!!

2010-06-30T16:39:00.000+08:00

最近常常想起一些往事，我说呀，我也不过二十五，回忆能有多久呢？是呀，感觉上还是刚刚发生的事。自从回来后，似乎缺少了什么，做什么事都提起劲。该不会是太想念美国了吧？再回首这一切，所发生的事，恐怕在我有生之年可以说得上空前绝后，史无前例。

也许对一般人来说，我的遭遇并没什么了不起，从未有那么多感触。经过这一次远征，发现自己有些缺点，有些事情处理的不是很好。有些话不许要讲得太明，心里有数就够了，但我不说不畅快呀！

我想说，却没有勇气当面说。就是觉得怪怪的，按照电视剧的情节应该是这样的反应，但也许我肚量不大始终放不开。

虽然已经没有交谈，但你也许不知，我依然关注着你的事。说我八卦也好，说我可恶也罢，总之，我从没怪过你，还是朋友。尽管当时的结局不欢而散，由始至终我都没怪你。要怪就怪自己愚昧，太自负。

以往的我太执着，眼界太狭小，总以为真爱要敢追求，而忽略了很多。现在因该把精神投入目标，其他事都暂且搁浅。随遇而安顺其自然！

2010-06-15T13:40:00.000+08:00

人就像天上的云彩，变化无常，往往见风转舵。士别三日，突然变得好陌生。
这并不在我预料之中，感觉上，我们已不如从前，但我却无法给予一个解释。
时间和距离到底还是一个十分厉害的障碍。很想相信我们同以往没什么改变，还是有说有笑，但就因为如此碍于情面，我始终开不了口。话少了，停顿多了，是否意味着慢慢淡去的互动，还是增进了默契？

2010-06-10T13:15:00.000+08:00

it haa been a whirlwind one month since i went on my post sep road trip...now that i m back in sg, i feel like a stranger here now....well, 6 months is not exactly long, but, somehow or rather, i jus felt outta place, the first thing was the heat and humidity which i could not tolerate, so used to the cold weather back then, winter was great, but now it is back to summer for the whole year, oh well....

been back for like 5 days, and i m feeling bored.....this place is way too small, i love the food, my frens, my family, but it is really hard to think of something fun to do here in singapore...haiz....i m really bored right now....someone ask me out pls!!!!

2010-05-19T16:01:00.000+08:00

it has been a month since i blogged....time really flies...not that i dun wanna update my blog, but circumstances dun permit me to, fatigue, no internet access, or just simply no time to do it....for the past week, it has just been travelling and travelling...so many things to see, the world has so much to offer...well....just to make my presence felt and trying to keep up with the habit of blogging and not let it become rusty....kkies, sign off here for now, i dunno when i will be able to blog again....or well, maybe when i m back in singapore...so long! ciau!

2010-04-27T05:16:00.000+08:00

“仇人相见，分外眼红”。这句谚语形容当时的情景实在是太贴切了。或许是先前早已对你有些意见，与你本人相会证明了我的偏见。对你，我不需要先礼后兵，毕竟在我眼中你不值得这一切，只因我接受她的选择。见到她在你到达之前之后那羞涩的嬉笑和那婉转的谈吐，平复了我的情绪，也许珍惜这时刻好比忧愁着分离。

曾经你填补了我心中无底的空虚，曾经让我能笑着面对眼前的日子，你曾经让我学会怎么对我钟情的人好。这算不算是刻骨铭心呢？你也许能否定这一切，充耳不闻，但不能抹灭我的心意。他的到来似乎奠定了我卑微的地位，我就像是一出戏的配角。

面对他，我只能强颜欢笑。只不过淡淡地说了几句，都是客套话。当中有一段对话听了很不是滋味，感觉是在射影什么。当时有股莫名的冲动反驳他，但觉得还是不要把整个局面搞得太尴尬。我的存在似乎是多余的，少了我又何妨？

我想我不是很会处理感情，我不能潇洒的把这一切搁浅，更不会随意倾诉。我知道这会影响身心，但也不便表达。就像被小刀割伤，没什么大不了，男子汉大丈夫，这一点算不上什么，应当
抱着“天塌下来，当被盖”的心态。

这一段日子，诸多感触，美好的时光，痛苦的时刻，伤心的时候。这应该是所谓的“人生酸甜苦辣”人生的起伏就在于此，没有惆怅哪来的希望，喜悦。。有时候只能抱怨命运作弄。既然天意难为，也只好豁达一些，不要那么计较，日子才好过一些。。。浑浑噩噩，醉生梦死何尝不是一件好事？

2010-04-11T05:06:00.000+08:00

this is one of the rare moments where i can savour and enjoy my free time. i like the feeling of lazing around and do nothing...i chionged my work....so that i can haf free time without any burden....sorrie jus dun feel like doing anything at all, i want my free time....well stoning by the computer, logging on to fb, clicking aimlessly, oh well, yea, stalking ppl on fb.....

i was looking at this fb group abt the 400random things of chung cheng high sch main....a flood of memories jus overwhelmed me....life then was so carefree and memorable....it made me recall my secondary sch life, so much fun....remember the obiang uniform with seven metal buttons and 2 flapping pockets on each side of the chest, the big lake in the middle of the sch, the grand auditorium, flag raising, william-tell, kway chap, and my teachers and frens....

almost 7 years since i left, and i haf not really gone back to see my teachers, except for the ocassional drive past goodman road. those were the days where i really enjoyed sch, playing bball everyday was so fun, getting sweaty and perspiring all over....den the big group of us having dry ourselves in the period right after class is especially a horrible time for the others...hahah....making fun of mrs pereira, suaning mr gan, looking forward to geography and social studies class, arguing with mr han...fooling around during lao zhan's class.....ohh well, it was a love-hate relationship, pity he din teach us chinese in sec4....really missed him then....can still remember he sang one of the poems in the txtbook, yea and punishing cs for writing some farnie poem abt him....hahaha! 鼎飞不识字，何故乱翻书！ LMAO！

let me recall, there was also miss sharmilla our a math cum form teacher, hahaha, dress sense always the same, marciam going for a jog...with that half zipped pull over and track pants.....there was mrs kang, the chiobu teacher who taught us geography in sec 3, really liked her lessons, my love for geography developed under her teaching, den there was mr chua chor loon....i still rmb the shoe treatment....he took off his shoe and made one of us smell it....cupped it to our nose like N95 mask!

hahah, the teacher that had the most influence on me was Mr Aziz,he taught us social studies, and i really look up to him....too bad he left us after sec3....i wont be anywhere i am right now if not for his guidance and help....rmb the hard times nearing final exams where me and cs spent hours at fish tank chionging various sch's ss paper.....the hardwork was paid off, and we did well....

Sec 1 and 2, cant quite recall anything significant, but just that wu mei xian and mr sequira was my form teacher, but i can remember in sec 1 during recess time, the guys always set up a wrestling ring at the back of the class to play....hahah so childish back then....yea and there was erm heng lip's nose bleed incident....hahaha really wont forget man....and keat meng fighting with hy or heng lip? i cant remember who, and there was the weird hy who grabbed my hand and put on his crotch.....argggghhhhhh so gross....hahaha....i still remember the bubble tea craze....everyday after school the shop outside sch near the overhead bridge would be infested with throngs of ppl buying....den there was the counterstrike craze too...hahhaa mus bring extra t-shirt to sch to change.....hahaha, and i remember i used to visit the long john silver at paya lebar mrt with haihui and edwin....

sec1....i used to hang out wif....haihui and edwin and cs....sec2....i was in fg, there was lawrence,yongming, chung tah and royden, and aldrin.....sec 3 and 4, hy,jy, eric,cs, mz,jh,km,ben.....man, bits and pieces are coming back to me as i write here....hahaha.....

2010-04-08T01:13:00.000+08:00

2010-03-31T12:05:00.000+08:00

counting the days, i have been here in the usa for roughly 3 months, to be exact, it should be 96 days, 3 months plus....yeap, almost half way into my exchange, mid terms over, spring break over....so far so good, i am just adjusting well and beginning to fall in love with this place...

like i said, the environment here is really good, i would definitely love to study here, but i dun think i can afford the tuition fees here...i asked around and found out that it costs abt 45k sing per year on average, man thats way too ex, sigh....i see many things, things that i would never have been able too....yea singapore is good, good in a lot of things, top 5 in world economic competitiveness, among the top in world gdp per capita, best airport, top in math and science...but it is just too small, and i would like to go out and see the world for myself, i dun wanna see myself trapped in sg as a white collar worker, i wanna go out of singapore and work, do the things i like and enjoy life....singapore is way too boring....it is just like a balancing scale, on one hand are all my dreams and aspirations, on the other end, family, frens, financial constraints haf to be taken into consideration....

somehow i jus feel that i have to start thinking for myself, i cant be bogged down by all this if i wanna get out, opportunities are everywhere, it is just a matter of taking it, it is just like what zhuangzi said, 名利乃过眼云烟。为求心斋，超越人籁，地籁。聆听天籁。contemporary understandings do not permit us to understand what zhuangzi is trying to say, but in my own interpretation, pursue ur own desires, goals, living a life that u wont regret and that fame,power and money are just a means to an end, not an end itself.....

i noe that many ppl just think that i m easy going, easy to lead by the nose and ultimately easy to bully....well, proceed at your own risk, but i can care less on wat others think...do wat i deem fit, 哪怕全世界与我为敌，我也不屑一顾。the world out there is waiting for me, i haf gotta buck up, before it is all too late!

life has never been better, i think i m leading a very very healthy life now, even better than i was in singapore....

mon-thurs gym
fri-sun-travelling,road trip

i m suprised at my level of discipline so far, non stop 4 days of gym, running on the treadmill, covering 4 miles every session....my source of motivation? hahaha, it is my ipod touch....starting songs will be green day's holiday, roxette's queen of rain, one republic's all the right moves....and the ending song for the final spurt is adam lambert's what do you want from me! hahaha....wish me luck!

2010-03-24T13:01:00.000+08:00

i was to talking jonathan( not jon lin), about how i missed the life back in nus...yea, weifeng, uwee, datou, ter, jon, how we used to slack and tok cock at the deck...life was hectic but fun, we talked about anything under the sun, girls, sch work, money, yea the 3 most things guys talk abt, and yea religion, politics, and our grouses....really, i miss those times when we jus sit down over lunch and tok...so much fun then! i sorta miss them, miss the supper, miss the company, miss the drinking....

i told jon, my level of categorising frens are simple....there are 5 levels....acquaintance, friend, good friend, close friend, best buddies.....yea....very straightforward, and i adjust myself to these 5 levels and put in the recognised amount of effort and time..yea, acquaintance are jus prolly jus like fren's fren, or jus someone i met once or twice and see around in sch, and it will jus remain as "hi" and "bye" plus a smile....

friend, is on a higher emotional level than acquaintance, but jus a bit more, prolly meet up occasionally and hang out, some common friends, wont't really chat much except maybe in a large grp outing, will onli hang out together in grps of like 5 or more....

then progressing up the ladder, it will be good friend, someone whom i hang out quite often with, prolly quite comfortable areadi, can gossip and bitch about ppl, ocassionally arrange meet ups once in a while to catch up....

next in line would be a close friend, yes, i'll feel more comfortable to talk about more sensitive issues, prolly heavy topics like politics, religion, more serious and sombre stuffz, and also abt my inner most feelings, ppl whom would lent a listening ear to wat i haf to sae, gives me advice and encouragement....meet up often in sch, yea and chatting on msn and on the phone....

lastly, it will be best buddies, basically all hell break loose, can tok abt anything under the sun, even the most outrageous questions, and lotsa inner jokes and secrets.....and also, best buddies will see moments when i m really down and emoing. very very frequent meet ups, suppers, drinking, anything, i jus enjoy their company and can even see them everyday, chatting regularly, and even toking on the phone for hours....my secrets, darkest secrets, dun even need to ask me, i will tell u abt my feelings and happenings!

not too sure abt other ppl, but this is really how i categorise my friends, how i ascertain how much effort i put in to maintain these ties....ppl have their own set of rules, but basically this is how mine works....so many things haf happened, but i m so glad that i haf my best buddies by my side, always there to hear my grouses!
Thank you all! and yea, whatever is said among us, stays among us, abide by the honour code!

2010-03-23T08:43:00.000+08:00

just reminded me of u jus now....i reckon i have garnered enough experience, this time round, logic wins. an overwhelming victory that i tried to overrule but to no avail. i dreamed, i saw you, far off into the horizon, lost in that veil of mystifying fog....i woke up to a sun rise at the edge of the continent, i tried writing ur name in the sky, but it took it away from me, i dun feel u anymore...

i dun feel that u feel me at all...no more....this song in my head i dedicate to u....my favourite....

2010-03-18T23:12:00.001+08:00

first blog post in like a million years ago, yupz, jus settled down back into the assignments, class mode, and yupz spring break was a blast, flew off on the 4th a thurs, and i skipped friday class, touched down at fort lauderdale airport florida at midnight, then jus bac to hotel to sleep, yepz, i think the best part of spring break was the sun at key west...definitely worth the 4hr drive from miami, it was the closest we could get to the caribbean, cuba was a mere 190miles away.....i love the beach....it was really beautiful, though it was not really warm, abt 27degrees with the ocassional chilly winds, but still able to walk around in singlet and shorts....i walked along the sandy beach, the sun's rays shone and reflected off the white sand...juxtaposed that on to the horizon, with the glistening sand as the foreground, and different hues of blues of the waters, for a moment i thought i was in heaven....

yepz, disney world was the next highlight, 2 days in disney and 1 day in universal, went to magic kingdom and hollywood studios, disney world was awesome, totally a different experience from the one in tokyo and hongkong....i felt like a kid once again, and it is right to say that it is also happyland, where everybody is high and happy, i let off steam and joined in the mass dance during one of the parade shows, dun care abt image liao, jus had the urge to.....and yea, there was the fireworks too....well, somehow the fireworks brought out the emo side of me, i hate myself man, ok, not emo, i jus began to wonder, wats the point of my education? is there any value or do i enjoy doing it? would i become like the fireworks, beautiful and shining brightly for onli a split second and doomed to oblivion thereafter? do i really want that?

ok, it was onli at that moment that i felt this way, and i brushed off that fleeting thought after i see the ppl around me basking in joy and admiring the fireworks...yea, after that we drove another 4hrs to reach daytona beach, but it was rather disappointing, cos it was raining and we cant go to the beach and it was not a good feeling to visit the nascar race track, which was supposedly splendid, the rain jus spoiled it....well too bad!

yepz the other highlights was shopping! ok, we really had a lot of time, so went to 2 places, prime outlets and premium outlets, abt the same, jus that there was a little variation in the line ups of the shops, well the usual, calvin klein, gap, armani, aeropostale, american eagles....and yea we went to volusia mall too, supposedly a more atas place, so the price oso very atas....i saw an abercrombie and fitch jacket which i liked a lot and it was selling at a discounted price of 39.99, which is like a bargain, but too bad dun haf my size, and the other i saw, man, so expensive 79 bucks, convert to sing is like 120, out of budget....

yea, b4 i knew anything, time jus slipped pass, i was back in sch real fast, and oso back to reality, holiday was over! i oso visited brown university over the weekend, it was really great, the buildings, the place, so victorian, i can understand y emma watson chose brown, it is so similar to uk....din haf a chance to see emma watson in person though, cos she was performing at a play when we went there, den headed off to newport, but it was raining heavily and we gave up and went to eat ice cream at newport creameries, which was awesome! we ordered "holy cow", which was this gargantuan ten scoops of ice cream, and it came with a cloud of whipped cream that i cant see the ice cream....great!

met up with a fellow singaporean there too, this guy called matt, last time from acjc, now his last year there and doing the same major as me! well, i could onli envy him, big bucks and bright future is awaiting him....i cant help thinking that y din i plan for my future back then...i could haf taken the sat tests and tried for an american university, it does'nt have to be brown, a decent one will do, and i sorta regret and lament the loss, not that nus is not good enuff, jus that, i felt i could haf gotten more if i had studied overseas, i mean, last time, i din really gave much thought to my future, getting by day by day, but now, it dawned on me that, i shld really look into the future and see what i wanna be and work for it....now i wanna further my studies, by hook or by crook, a graduate program, maybe immediately after bachelor' s or after working and saving money for a few years....

i think i haf been rather complacent, thinking back since i got into nus, first sem was good, and i achieved my goal, got chosen for sep and that was when i started going downhill and second sem was rock bottom, and third sem i managed to get the momentum going a little, but never like in first sem....that drive and motivation once in me was never recovered and i was just procrastinating....seeing how hard students at brown uni mugging in the lib on a sun afternoon during spring break jus made me felt so minute and insignificant, how can i ever match up to these top dogs, the cream of the crop!

coincidentally, jonathan oso talked to me abt his outlook on his future, and i kinda feel that hes a bit discouraged and lost at the moment, i never saw him like this since i knew him, so it mus be really heartfelt feelings, and i share his sentiments that we had not made the right decisions and ended up in this situation now.....but i m not going give up!i haf gotta pull up my socks and work towards the future that i haf printed out in my mind....not going down without a fight! jus wait! i'll be back and a force to be reckon with!

2010-03-03T01:32:00.000+08:00

talked to a few ppl regarding the recent event....i accept wat he had said and the difficulties in breaking the news, i myself is not able to do that if i were to put myself in your shoes, well yea, theres no hard feelings, and that my previous post was just written unknowingly of any facts and explanation, it was merely an expression of frustration of not being informed...i mean, it feels bad, waking up and not noeing where on earth is everyone! that shitty feeling and the thought of not knowing anything just made my thoughts run wild...so wat i haf to say is that i m sorry and apologised if it was offensive in anyway, and i m not against or angry with anyone, not that i was very pissed abt being left out, i was just irritated that the flow of info is jus so unfortunate and after learning of the entire picture, i m not pissed or angry anymore, just that at least like if another big event like this where everyone starts disappearing, at least i noe wat is going on. now, i'll just put this behind me and move on from here, we are here to haf fun and yea, we still got half a sem more to go....we shld make the most outta this, no hard feelings, and i m definitely not angry anymore, we are in this, and i guess we do need to be more open now in case any misunderstandings arise again in the future...i m cool! :)

2010-03-01T13:08:00.000+08:00

我问天，难道天会回答我不成？世界上最辽阔的距离不是天涯海角，更不是天涯相隔，而是人之间的隔阂。为何如此呢？常言“道不同不相为谋”，所言甚是。两个人之间若意见志趣不一，那么最好是柴火算了。憎恶那种“个人自扫门前雪，不管他人瓦上霜” 的态度。难道我错了？不该把自己的意见强加于别人。

为什么人往往都忽略三省吾身，难道这就是客观与主观对立的延伸？天地万物是否能依人为的哲理都一一规划，而分明？天地之间皆有那么多可能，无法归类的事物，为什么人与人之间偏偏反常，非要成群结盟？人们纵然常渴望把高低，种族的区分排除但，到底人的最真本质就是成群，而在这过程当中也划分界限。由此可见，这一切可以说是黄粱一梦。

在现实生活中依旧如此，人们常常说一套做一套。人们成群结队不是为了什么共同观念，终究是一个自私的考虑。人是不是犯贱？明明知道结果会是如此却偏偏一头栽进去。

心中有许多疑团未能解开，我很想以客观的因素来看待，可惜我无法将脑海中排除那主观的看法，将矛头指向某某领头羊时时刻刻在搞分离主义。。。fuck u murthafuckers! pardon me!

2010-02-24T22:04:00.000+08:00

my prof was saying, what u learnt here in economic theory is all bull shit, i quote him literally, wat abt comparative cost advantage, absolute cost advantage, ricardian model, heskscher-ohlin model, is all crap and useless, the world does not just produce 2 goods, there are differences in technologies....yes i agree with wat he said....world trade benefits both countries in either model, but definitely not in the real world, countries do lose from trade, and there are gains to trade only on the overall outcome, that is, ultimately, world production of goods is increased, it does not consider any gains at the national level, equity is not taken into account here....yes my prof posed an insightful question which he himself admitted he was not really sure....does globalisation mean trade liberalisation or trade liberalisation equals globalisation?

many questions are posed, yet i do not haf any idea....though i m trained in economics, ok, i m studying it, i haf never thought like one, yes, i dun think like an economist... in a way, me doing an undergraduate degree is a form of investment that i undertake, and the rate of return is measured by the income i earned relative to what i invested....wat prof saed made a lot of sense, the economic theories we learned dun apply in real life....though we keep learning and emphasising on the pefect competition market structure, it does not exist in reality, and that ricardian model does not apply too...if that was so, according to ricardian theory, i would have been better of exploiting my comparative advantage, by becoming a beggar, rather than pursue an education....in fact wat i m doing now is simply exploiting my "competitve advantage"....

oh well, economic theories are rather useless except for the most basic ones like demand and supply, perhaps why economics is unfathomable is due to its dynamic discipline, a study of human behaviour which is ever changing....i like it when my prof criticises government politics, he does'nt give any face! Greenspan is stupid to say that markets are self correcting, which is not true, and to think that the bernanke, a scholar of the great depression could not anticipate the disastrous financial crisis, and it was definitely a costly mistake not to bailout lehmann bros....well, i dun think it is possible to even make a comment in sg, there is so much room for improvement!

2010-02-17T12:37:00.000+08:00

jus came back from bible studies class, u haf heard me, yea, bible classes, today's topic was proverbs 4-6, and it was talking about prudence, let me recall, i think the onli important message that i took away from class is that u gotta haf the wisdom in order to make use of wisdom...the verse was personifying wisdom, and there was an analogy abt sloths and the bee...there were also discussions abt discipline, but wat interest me was the notion of the distance between one's heart and mind, which i really haf to agree on this.....the most distant is tat of the heart and mind, although they are so close physically....

how often can we haf the two agreeing? the mind is rational but the heart is not, the heart is warm and the mind is cold....we are always torn being ruled by our head or by our heart....they sae the heart is not rational becos it is not right?

i mean, especially in affairs of the heart, u go by ur feelings and not by reasoning...it is how u feel...towards that person that makes u decide, that is, it is wat the heart is telling the brain and not the other way round....sometimes, i do think that i m too rational, m i?

its that familliar feeling once more, which i tot i had exorcised, but, i fear it overwhelming me, taking control over me, i dun wanna sink into it until i m dead sure, cos it hurts after i fell, and now, it seems as though the wounds are fresh.... i feel that i think like an economist, that is, i see things in terms of benefits and costs, opportunity costs and returns....is that how it shld be? or is there another way to do this?

hmmm, so wat if it is mutual? the environment plays a big role too.....somehow or rather although i din start out to agree wif this, but come to think of it, there is definitely such a thing as environmental determinism and possibilism....the environment plays a big part in shaping our lives, and i would sae emotions and thinking too, although some may disagree wif me....

rite now, i m caught in this rut of my own, and i m th onli one that can get myself outta this....u noe it is impossible, but u still hope for the impossible and it is jus like crashing into a wall noeing that u will get hurt

2010-02-11T23:16:00.000+08:00

sometimes happy moments jus dun last....it is jus like the terrible hangover after the initial false sense of happiness derived from downing shot after shot of liqour....1/1/2 months haf passed, everyday is like trudging through a limitless desert, aimlessly looking for the oasis....

how i see myself? i think a lot, yet, i dun express myself freely....i went for an international chat and had a casual exchange wif fellow exchange students from china, germany, italy, and the reason for this restricted expression of speech is due to uncertainty, fear of offending ppl, yes, especially when talking wif ppl from a totally different culture, u nv noe wat u say may be harmless to u, but hurts like a knife to others...therefore, i onli show my true self to ppl i noe, after putting them "under observation" for a period of time before i discern whether ppl is good enuff for me engage in on a deeper level....

usually i m the passive person, ok, yea usually on first impression, i m wat i seem to be, unfriendly, cold and quiet, but i m constantly sizing ppl up, not in a literal sense, but jus that i m listening to wat ppl sae, observing and trying to determine if that person would be worthy to advance further beyond that of acquaintance...

i think i m quite easy going, thats my character, i m always putting the interests of others above mine, ok, i m not trying to say that i m very thoughtful, wat i mean is that i rather follow the preferences of others then try to impose mine on others, thats me

the contrast in me can be real stark, almost like summer and winter, i mean character wise, i'll compare myself to a chameleon, being able to change its skin colour to blend in well with the surroundings, if u are a talkative person, i'll just be quiet and listen intently, and if the mood is quiet and sombre, i'll be trying to make some small talk and make it less awkward....well, perhaps that is y i m difficult person to understand, and not many ppl can noe wats on my mind, onli a handful, i could count wif my fingers, yea, i may seem to be emoing all the time, but sometimes it is jus not wat it seems to be, and rather when i m putting on a smile, down underneath, it is a rotten wound...i jus dun like to bog ppl down wif my grouses, who likes to hear them? even if ppl say that u can always talk to them, i feel that it is merely superficial talk,in the sense that it is courteous and polite to do this, u cant definitely sae, "next time dun farking bore me with ur mindless small talk", in this sense, i do care abt how others who feel, i always put myself in the shoes of others and think from their perspective...

perhaps this is why, i may seem fake and shy to some ppl, but the truth is, it is jus me, and if a person passed the "observation" period, it is onli a matter of time b4 u will noe wat i m like, i like ppl who speak their mind, i hate ppl who are hypocritcal, so even if someone comes up to me and sae" u haf got the worst dress sense", i would gladly accept the comment, and i'll defintely look up to this person! hes cool! hes got guts!

i mean, wat are frens? frens are ppl u could trust and talk to rite, trust is the significant component here, and within trust, there is this expectation of truth, when ur expectations match the actions of the person, and that is how trust is gained, so in a way, speaking one's mind and being truthful is a good trait although it may sound hurtful but, this is reality, and no wonderland, the world works this way, binaries of opposites....boundaries of inclusion and exclusion....male/female, abled/disbabled, strong/weak....

another revelation....i m a wuss in going after the person i like, yes countless times! i jus cant find the courage to do it, and i always bottle it up and keep it wif me for as long as i can until that feeling goes away, or i see them seeing someone else, i bet they dun even noe that there is someone a fool like me, who had once liked them....well, many regrets, and i never will noe what will be the outcome if i tried, but lets jus assume that it wont work! rite now, i'll jus be contented wif wat i haf now, live life not to the fullest, but the way i want it! Cheers to ALL!

2010-02-09T05:40:00.002+08:00

i m slow, i m dull, i m stupid, and i m definitely insensitive.....only till now do i realise why had things turned out this way...it is all my fault!

2010-02-02T05:12:00.000+08:00

it is tough to balance everything here, studies, travelling, eating, exercising....it is hard to maintain a balance for all of these, i can barely manage all of this, cos there are homework and assignments coming in, first mid term test is next week and i m still skipping classes!

looks like i m very much into the holiday mood! yepz, jogged at the indoor track, played bball over the few days at the indoor court, yepz, played against ppl who are faster, taller, stronger and more skilful den me, and sad to say i was the shortest guy on court!

but, that did not set me back! initially i was a little apprehensive and scared of standing up against the blacks and angmohs, and i was intimidated at first, cos i was told that this black guy is the best player here, around my height, but hes definitely more skilful, and at times, i had trouble marking him...even when i failed to contain him, my team mates still gave me encouragement, "ur doin a good job", yea, ok, wont sae i did a good job, but i m sure i scored a beautiful basket, cos i was inside the box when i receive the ball and saw no one under the net, so i jus dribbled and there he came, the black guy, so i immediately tried a lay up hook shot near the baseline, and i was not hoping it to go in, but it did anyway and everyone on the court clapped after i made that shot! that feeling was indescribable.....

ok, then the next day, i played with another group of people, and there was this angmoh guy that was my height too, but hes real fast and skilful, the onli thing i could match him was speed, so i kept on tight to him as i could, even when he does fast breaks, i push myself to keep up, dun allow him any chance to score! it feels good to get assurance frm my teammates that i m doin a good job and it spurs me on! well, and the angmoh guy was also rather physcial, defensively and offensively, pushing and shoving me around, and i tot that i shld not let become a weakling....“东亚病夫” came to my mind and i did not want it to describe me, so whenever he applied pressure and push and shove me, i would jus do it tit for tat and be territorial....the first time that i played so agressively and a few times, i even dispossesed him of the ball, and he whispered on one ocassion when i took his ball " this is such a disgrace", and i was glad that i did not become the asian stereotype in his mind, and i did make a point that i m not one to be bullied!

but then, i haf to admit, that they are really good...fast, skilful, offensively i cant match up to them, the only think i can do is be faster than them....well, it applies to real life scenarios too! u haf got to be ahead of others, always be ahead and faster than others, otherwise, we would just lose that competitve edge and become obsolete....

2010-01-27T12:36:00.001+08:00

ok, ppl haf been complaining that i haf not been updating my blog lately, well, truth is, i m still getting adjusted to the environment here..this is week 2, and i m sure i m slowly getting the hang of it, yea, well sometimes it can get really tough, u noe, the mood swings, but, well, part and parcel of the sep experience...it comes in a whole package, the fun, excitement, homesickness, and distraught...jus haf to manage it well....

2 weeks into school, which was a totally different playing field back in nus...i did mentioned the more laid back attitude here, well, for most of the modules i took, i sorta know wat they were talking about, it is rather easy, so i dun think i would haf a problem with coping, the people here are much much more vocal, they questions and they are defintely not afraid of making mistakes and getting wrong answers, not like in nus, the mood is so sombre, and it jus felt like a pressure cooker, everyone is so competitve, socialising is kept to a minimum....

it is different here, ppl are jus more amicable and easy to approach, u noe, it is the little gestures that make the place so much better than in nus, when everybody seems so busy and always rushing for time! the occasional "hi", holding the door for u, and the in between break chats really works wonders!

i haf never had the chance to stay in hall back in nus, and i m glad that i did here, cos hall is such a fun place! theres so many activities to do! and i like being able to wake up at 9.45am for 10am lessons! haha, but most important here is that i dun haf to think about wat i wanna eat for each meal, no hassle! i jus haf to swipe my card at any dining hall, grab a plate and jus scoop wateva i fancy onto my plate, so my plate is always almost stacked like a mountain! i bet i m piling on the kilos, but i cant help it, the food is simply irresistable....

was mia for the weekend, cos i visited new york! Big apple! hahaa, i tot i could onli watch it on dramas like CSI, and those american tv shows, it was definitely an eye opener! i went to 86th storey of the empire state building, and i see my peers all goin gaga over the view, it was simply breath-taking, i could literally see the fruits of capitalism, the most powerful nation in the world!

However, havin been to a few other countries, the excitement and euphoria is jus not as intense, to me, i think that the night scenery at hongkong on top of victoria peak is the best, not even tokyo bay, or tapei 101, beijing, could even match that...

someone said to me" i tot u were the serious kinda person, but now i noe u are a bad boy" hmmm, do i really potray that serious and sombre image? ppl whom noe me told me that their first impression is starkly in contrast to after they know me....do i look so unapproachable?

yea, the nites here are longer than the day, and it really makes me start to think of u, i hope the nite never ends and the day never comes.....

2010-01-21T12:00:00.000+08:00

see? this was wat was about since i came here on an exchange to the US, it was initially difficult adjusting to a totally different culture, environment, everything was just not the same anymore, i dun see my frens in sch, i cant call and talk to my frens, i cant meet them for lunch, but then i m glad that they have been talking to me, and we are told to keep in touch with our frens so as to soothe the "culture shock"....apparently there are 3 stages to my assimilation here, stage 1 is the initial high, where i feel excited and upbeat abt the life, and then comes stage 2, the disappointment, the depression, hahaa, i dun think i will get to that extreme and then it will be the adjustment....yea

life here is really exciting, now i really truly understand and experience hall life and wat is really an awesome uni life....it is so vibrant here, everyone's got a strong sch spirit, friendly, helpful, sociable, the pace of education is also so much laid back but interesting and insightful, and i saw the first snow fall in usa!!!!

man, i m having a good life here, the night we touched down and reached hartford at like 8pm, all the restaurants and shops were closed and we had to go to a pub.cafe for dinner, and the serving size was like double of cafe cartel, i cant finish mine! it was this place called black eyed sally's, and the food is marvellous, i like the barbecue sauce!

oh, and u noe? the dining halls are like so atas compared to nus canteen....people on campus purchase meal plans and with one id card, they call it the one card or our matric card, u can practically do everything with it, pay library fines, print stuffz, pay for ur meals, use it for laundry, use it at the coop, almost like a do-it-all card, and i tell u, every meal is like having a buffet ala marche, where u walk in and theres the various substations, international cuisine, soups, salads, dairy bar, and u noe wat, theres a dairy barn on campus, and all the ice cream, yogurt, milk, skim milk, wateva we had in the dining halls is produced there, and we got to visit the so called "factory" and barn and tasted a complementary scoop of ice cream... i swear that ice cream nv tasted so good b4, and u noe wat, theres like more than 20 different types of breakfast cereals to choose from for breakfast! mind u, and this is jus one small station, theres like the deli section, that has bread selections ala delifrance, and i love the grill section, cos theres the place where u can order and ask the cook to make u a hamburger on demand or omelette and u get to choose all the ingredients! breakfast is like having macdonalds buffet style, and lunch and dinner is like hotel buffets!

so in order to not put on too much weight, we decided to hit the gyms too! wow, i m amazed at the facilities, jus the weights room is like the whole gym in nus, and they even haf an indoor bball court and running track! damn shiok! i think the campus is a bit bigger than nus, but u can practically walk to anywhere on the campus, cos it is on level ground, theres no slope!

we also attended a college game day inauguration, it was shown live on espn, it was the women's bball team, and rite now we are the defending champions for the eastern conference,everyone is like so high and i dun think i can ever experience that in nus! man, i m damn excited for the weekend, we r deciding between new york and boston, but boston is defintely nearer, and i'll haf the chance to meet up with jon coming down frm indiana and lawrence who is jus nearby in philadelphia and hes offering to drive over! hahahaha fun fun fun, and making lotsa frens!

2010-01-12T01:32:00.002+08:00

i was reading the papers fervently, when i almost choke on my noodles, our dear law minister k shanmugam proposed for an introduction of teaching comparative politics...this is such a joke!

while the motive was lofty and commendable, it will be but another NE, and the fact that they still haf not realise why it failed in the first place, goodness gracious, and we are still paying top money for the mini-stars....

haven even learnt to walk and trying to fly, wateva that is, it is doomed to fail, ok, maybe it is jus wat i think, i jus think that it is so farnie, till my butt cheeks cant stop laughing...

our current environment and society is not conducive for the teaching of comparative politics, i m not referring to the intellectual ability of our people, i definitely m confident that singaporeans are able to engage in this on a insightful level, but i m skeptical about the conditions, especially with the judiciary, and the rules, theres just too much jurisdiction by the govt and plus the fact that theres no culture of inquisitive mind of the people, that which makes up the phenomenon of apathetic behaviour, and to think that the govt is pointing the fingers at us, yes us, the younger generation and say that we are disinterested....

apropos to this, becos of all this laws and restrictions on freedom on speech and abstinence frm open discussion, the stifling environment, rigid and heavy education curriculum that has killed off any interest!

i for one, m a fervent reader of local politics, frm the slapping incident in parliament to the one that just got set on fire....while, so far, it may seem that i m anti-govt, which i think most ppl would say, then it is becos of the govt, that it has been so successful in stifling thought provoking and critical views justified on the moral high ground of political stability and economic progress...that singaporeans's threshold of sedition is so narrow that anything that disagrees is seen as seditious, anti govt....

yes, i can quote the example of usa, many other liberal and "true" democratic nations and definitely it can be rebutted simply by saying that singapore is different, we are an asian country infused with the 3 asian high cultures of Indian, chinese, malay....

but think again, isn't all this been the too often and cliched excuses, u definitely cant haf the best of both worlds, u cant want a active citizenry in politics and at the same time be law abiding and not oppose the govt....too bad that all along, politics has been about opposition, divergent views and taking sides...

so this proposal is just a big joke to me, cos they are merely heading for failure and shooting themselves in the foot! how do u effectively convey ur vision and mission of allowing the students to make their own decisions and take their own stand when there is no platform and conditions for all this active and open discussion to take place? The materials invovled for discussion needs to be widen too, stop censoring discussion materials, free up those so called "sensitive" materials, allow books like the biographies of fang chuang pi, especially the communists to be used and discuss, wats the point of studying just history by the victors when we are taught to examine both sides and authencity of sources and censor the materials? isn't that shooting ur own foot, y keep emphasising our world rankings in education in science and maths, being proud of our highly educated population but den doubt our intellectual ability to analyze and differentiate facts from hearsay....

So wat is the underlying motive? ultimately, this so called comparative politics teaching is merely another NE, govt propaganda, BUT, a more subtle one, that do not openly dictate wat is history, but act by censoring materials...on the surface, it calls for students to draw their own conclusion, but the facts and background they draw upon are limited and censored, and theres no way the govt can be criticised this way...

also, i read the interview of our mm lee kuan yew, i m rather puzzled....he mentioned that hes not a firm believer in confucian teachings, when he said that he did not believe man is born good and can be nurtured and guided to become a better person, den if this was so, y was the so called "asianess", "new asia" formulated on the 3 asian cultures and espoused as a cultural ballast for the decadent occident....isn't that a contradiction? dun get me wrong, i m not doubting our mm, in fact i respect him for his achievements and things he done for singapore, and it was rather candid for him to admit his mistake on our bilingual policy on chinese teaching that had doomed an entire generation to hate and irk mandarin, and kudos to his efforts for trying to change the existing policy so as to reverse the trend....alright, jus my 2 cents worth here, i hope i dun get sued for expressing my views and getting charged for seditious acts! anything discuss wif me under table, jus pm me!

2010-01-03T10:08:00.000+08:00

i nv realise i had so many songs by tanya, until i heard the song 达尔文 on my laptop, and i think the lyrics were rather refreshing, relating love to darwin's social evolution theory...

tanya's songs are really good, and i really look up to her, cos she can write, compose and sing...alot of her songs are so thought provoking....while sad and always potraying failed relationships, the feeling it gives me is that of rehabilation and forward looking with a big heart, as though she takes everything in her strides...perhaps this is due to the jazz component in her songs that makes it so soothing, something like how i would enjoy listening her songs sitting by the balcony with a cup of tea...

simply marvellous, i especially like the album goodbye and hello, all of the songs are my favourite, there's 达尔文，空白格，当你离开的时候，越来越不懂， together with beautiful love, 无底洞，and now i think 若你碰到他， her latest album is also very good...great composer, writer, and singer....how i wish i could be as good as her....and to think that she cant even speak proper chinese a few years back!

2010-01-01T01:07:00.000+08:00

man, cant believe 2009 jus wheeze pass so quickly, a recap of the past year, i think it has been rather fruitful, there was bike quest, food hunt, then working stint at rsh capped a wonderful first half of the year... 2nd half of the year was also a blast, hk trip with uwee and co, den arts camp, den oweek, arts bash, den og bbq, yepz lastly there was japan trip!

to round off 2009, we had a fantastic og gathering yesterday, mus thank bryan for hosting it at his house, many turned up and we had a good time playing card games and basketball! a really memorable gathering, think i reached home at 3am....and today rushed down to meet the peeps at east coast, a rather short one, but nevertheless, it was appreciated, i hope to see all of ya again, b4 we leave in 2weeks time....

it will be long b4 we can meet up again, lets make the most of wat little time we haf left.... thinking of my new year resolutions.....carpe diem!

2009-12-30T00:33:00.004+08:00

从没开始词/曲：鸿锐

早知道会是这样
还是会无怨无悔
即使你不开口
心中早有知晓
我也不需要任何解释

若你知我心
请你给我暗号
我不懂你心
就只能猜测
就在我真正懂了真实

我们之间根本从没开始
要我怎么去爱
就算爱到深处
终须被遗忘
尽管难以释怀
我们之间根本从没说过
要我怎么明白
你从来不曾
让我靠近你
也只能把你放弃
为你付出的所有
早以化为樱吹雪

it has been a spur of the moment, the melody jus came to me instantly, so i quickly recorded it down, becos i had failed to capture the inspiration earlier on, and i had totally no idea how to put it in musical notes, so i had to sing it, well, hopefully, i dun become a turn off, i only qing chang the chorus, i still needa work on the stanzas...it sounds abit awkward i think? can pm me some comments, but not on my singing, i noe it sucks, bear wif me!

2009-12-24T09:39:00.001+08:00
first things first, i wanna thank xiaojun for spending time to listen to my grouses, i think we got carried away and forgot the time, thank you yea i really appreciate it, there can be many reasons for all this, and there are a million question marks over it, perhaps y i m feeling this way is becos i dun noe wat is exactly goin on, and i fear to take a wrong step, i haf to be cautious and not make mistakes again....

i always tot that was the things to do, but alas, wat u told me was rather contrary to wat i believe in and do, but, u are right, cos thats where i failed and come to think of it, it was rather stupid...i do suck at seeing through people, its hard for me to noe, yea, i can be real insensitive,but i guess we do learn from our experiences.... maybe, pehaps, probably, so much uncertainties and possibilites, but ur opinions were rather insightful, maybe i was jus being made used of, perhaps things were not wat i had thought to be....i was still contemplating over my choices, but after hearing wat u haf to say, i think i should jus leave things as it is, i dun wan to scare people of and end things on a bad note...so this shall be it....

2009-12-22T17:30:00.000+08:00
perhaps all this time i thought that i was right, i always tend to adopt a narrow minded view of things, that smother any other alternatives, thats y i thought i was right, sometimes i think i m too full of myself of certain things that make me overlook the details....

i always envy wat others haf, and i look at myself, wat haf i done to achieve wat i want? they say i m not confident enuff, yea i do admit that, i can be a wuss, who wont? becos all this while, i dun think too highly of myself, sometimes even when the results tell me otherwise, i still think i m not good enuff, perhaps there is this side of me that is pursuing perfection...thats y i haf always not been able to really relate and connect with many ppl...i hide my feelings well, i guess onli when i m dead sure then i will go ahead, but this time i gambled and lost, perhaps thats y deep down i feel lonely, there isn't anyone out there who can connect wif me intellectually, ok, i think prolly i din try to engage in wise and thought provoking conversations, sometimes i jus feel that ppl can be really naive and immature....

i realise that i m always guilty of seeing things in a single train of thought, the way i see it, and that will be it, i will haf to break out of this rigidity and see things in more ways...the story of a ant climbing up a wall is an apt description...consider an ant climbing up a wall and encounters a puddle of oil on its path...the ant slips and falls to the ground everytime it tries to move past the puddle of oil...wat does this tells us?

interestingly, there are 3 attitudes to be derived here, firstly, it may dawn on the first person that, no matter how hard one tries, one's efforts were to be futile and theres no point in trying to climb the wall....for the second person, he may realise that all it takes is to change path and go around the puddle of oil in order to proceed...things could change for the better if we take a different approach, and lastly, the act of the ant repeatedly trying to climb the wall and slipping may be an inspiration to another, calling for determination and perserverance....

wat this tells us is that, people have different ways of seeing things, and we jus need to adjust the way we see things, and we can derive many different outlooks, and yes, there is a differentiation between those who have more thoughtful insights, that is some ppl are just simply able to grasp things better than others....

i like to think about more pressing issues, politics, current affairs and social trends, but if i m gonna tok to ppl about all this, they gonna get bored to death, and thats y i always potray the the more relax and jovial side of me, life cant be so solemn and serious huh, and humour is really the best vitamin for a exciting and meaningful life, i like satirical content, they are potrayed in such a relax and humourous way but also thought provoking and makes one to think deeper...yes, i'll like to thank my frens for their support, i m actually fine, it was a just a sudden outburst, perhaps my thinking was clouded earlier on, things could turn for the better...

i hope to meet a person who can articulate opinions and views well, having a mind of their own, someone who interest me intellectually, and perhaps lends a ear to wat i say, is that very difficult to achieve? i dunno, and i can onli wait for the day when someone does haf the key to my heart...

2009-12-22T01:10:00.000+08:00
watched 2 chinese movies...feng yun II and 十月围城，i prefer the chinese title, cos bodyguards and assassins sounds awkward, there may be some misconceptions, but anyway, feng yun was a flop, so much for the hype and publicity, boo to bu jin yun and nie feng, it promised so much but yet delivered so little, i really feel that i wasted money to watch the movie, the movie cant be compared to the first instalment, there was no plot at all, everything was so one dimensional and predictable, there was no surprises...the only saving grace was the not so bad fight scenes, which had really good visual effects, and erm, bu jing yun's biceps, yes, he trained really hard for his biceps, so much so that every move or stance he had, had to display his bulging biceps which can get irritating after a while..so i guess the ladies would go gaga over the show....

but i really like 十月围城, i think it is smashing good, the plot is dramatic and exciting, about the struggles and ordeals of the bloody revolution led by Sun Yat Sen, perhaps i haf always liked chinese history, so it was rather entertaining and educational at the same time....with a good plot, there's also a strong cast, yeah, although donnie yen, nicholas tse were the leads, there were many other heavyweights, such as Simon yam as general Fang, leslie leung as chen shao bai, leon lai as master liu, fan bing bing,and yes there was the comical eric tseng acting as the chief of police, which never fail to fill the cinema with rousing laughter whenever he came on and spoke, and yeah, some of the scenes were also rather farnie, especially the part when leon lai faced 30 men, his hair, and expression was simply hilarious there was the scene at which was said to donnie yen: 人有了执着，就会拼命, something which was demonstrated throughout the movie and also the underlying tmotif of it....all those who died, had in their minds lofty dreams and aspirations which they cling on to even when death looms, something known as 鞠躬尽瘁，死而后已，they all had their own 执着 and gave it their all....

yes, and there was another side of the story which i haf to agree, and that was wat the character played by hu jun said....he was a general serving the last qing empire and was tasked with assassinating Sun Yat Sen, as he arrived to Hongkong due for his meeting with the other provincial leaders for a unified uprising... hu jun said that all of this talk about democracy and power of the people was jus crap, and it jus showed how greedy the westerners were and that he mentioned that he wasn't also blindly loyal to the empire....and i had to agree with him, that democracy is not without its flaws and that to quote the opening line "demos is the power of the people and everybody is equal" can be rather attractive and persuasive, but not without its flaws.....is there equality when society is structured into a hierarchy of rich and poor, powerful and powerless, and the talk about democracy and liberating the people was nothing but just a cover for greedy westerners bent on expanding their empire, exploiting their colonies, spreading their ideas in a bid to "control" the masses...the good about the movie is that both sides had their legitimate underlying argument which cannot be differentiated and decided that which is right or wrong.....a mus watch movie....and much in line with wat the taxi uncle told me" ur best friends are ur greatest enemies", the revolution arose out of the blood of millions of people, and that it is the chinese themselves are killing each other, so much so that there was so much backstabbing, it was all too clear that each side knew each other so well, that they are such arch enemies, and i hope the taxi uncle that i chatted with earlier this morning is not some govt spy, cos i told him i was not pro govt and espoused some of my views, and i cant recall y i even dared to say that....hhahah, i hope the internal security department dun come and find me....

2009-12-20T03:42:00.123+08:00
i m trying to get my mind off this, but it just seems to be clinging onto me, at this hour, everything jus comes to a dead silence, i could even hear my breathing, how i feel now, is a potpourri of mixed emotions, all at work in my heart, so much so that i feel that it is overloaded and almost coming to a break down, yea, perhaps it is the last sense of sanity that is holding the last line...

i know i haf gotta snap out of all this, and, it seems a familiar situation to be at again, but, i noe this time, i have sank deeper, i could feel it, i jus lost interest in everything, i dunno wat it is, but, u are the only one on my mind, every moment...

this feeling has never been so intense, i cant recall if it was like this before, but, it feels like having the weight of the world all on me, my heart, my limbs, it jus permeates from the heart throughout the body...since there is no one to pour out to, i can onli turn to penning my thoughts, i think it helps greatly in soothing the pain, yea...

i almost turned down a gathering, cos i really din haf the mood to go, but, i did promised, and i had to dragged myself to leave home, at the same time, i hoped that it would be good for me, temporarily taking my mind off, but alas i was proven wrong, it just got worse, every moment there, every second, seemed like years passing by, and i had to put up a front, to act my usual jovial, carefree, cheeky composure, for i fear spoiling the initial joyous mood...

wateva i did there, u were always with me, as though jus beside me, i could vivdly see ur facial expressions which never fail to intrigue me, a constant reminder to the harsh reality...i ask myself, y am i feeling so? i shld be happy instead, isn't this all i haf wanted all along? a clear cut answer, well, perhaps it was not a direct reply, but, thats what i inferred from it, the subtle,veiled meaning seems to be staring at me when i read it, and i appreciate ur thoughtfulness in not being blunt...

since i haf gotten an answer, i shld move on, but the thought of never being able to see you again just rekindled that familiar emotion, helplessness, dismay, i definitely cant let this get the better of me, i need to brace up and carry on, live still has to go on...

i'll just haf to pick myself up from here, and take this as a experience....i m not sure for u....perhaps all this may mean nothing to u, i m nothing only but just a passerby u met on the road whom u wun even recall his appearance, but, to me it means alot, and it would be with me for as long as i m alive..

i just had to get it off my chest, otherwise, i dunno who i can talk to, it helps a little when i can pen down my thoughts and feelings, and i guess the courage which i never found at that moment, has no more use as of now, it would just be a futile endeavor, especially when i got a clear answer....i was wrecking my brains a few moments ago to pick off from where i left off, but there is no more need to do so, wateva that i had to say then, may haf to be buried deep underneath, and i think i could guess ur response, so it doesn't matter anymore....i think i wun persist, i wont want to put u in a dilemma, ,i dun wanna come across to u as bad, and leaving a bad impression...perhaps i haf not done enuff for u to feel me, i can onli blame myself, but i haf always wanted to tell u how i feel, which i guess is not possible anymore...

things can only get better after all this, although i haf no choice but to believe that time can mend all of this....yea, perhaps it is a good thing after all that i am able to go away and recover from this, to detach myself from thinking of it....i hope so....